Why You Feel Like You Need a Hug From Someone

If you ever find yourself thinking, "I want a hug," there are good reasons why. Hugging has a relaxing and soothing effect on people. Hugs are actually good for your health and science shows why hugs and touch are therapeutic.

Research on the Psychology of Hugs

Psychologist Harry Harlow designed a study in which he took rhesus monkeys from their biological mothers. He then offered two choices to the young monkeys. One choice was a terrycloth surrogate mother who gave no food; the other choice was a wire mother who provided food.

Interestingly, the infant monkeys spent more time with the soft cloth mother even though she didn’t provide sustenance. The baby monkeys who fed at the wire mothers ate but then quickly returned to hold onto the cloth mother. Scientists concluded that there is more to mother-child interactions than merely providing food.

It's the same type of comfort the monkeys in Harlow's experiment craved. It's the same sort of comfort that infants want from their caregivers. It’s physically and emotionally crucial for an infant’s psychological development.

Hugs Reduce Stress and Increase Happiness

Not everyone likes to be hugged or touched in the same way. But generally, positive physical contact can effectively reduce your stress level and boost your mood. Feelings of loneliness and experiencing chronic stress can ultimately be harmful.

At the same time, a wonderful hug from a family member or friend will also bolster neurotransmitters such as dopamine in your system. Dopamine is sometimes called the "happiness hormone."

Nurturing touch during the early years helps our younger selves regulate emotions. With high levels of loving hugs and physical contact, babies and toddlers develop in a healthy manner.

Hugs From Strangers and Loved Ones

Could hugs from a stranger even have positive benefits? In a study published in a recent issue of Comprehensive Psychoneuroendocrinology, self-soothing touch and being hugged showed positive results even when strangers hugged. Hugs reduced cortisol responses to stress and had calming effects.

Being touched by a romantic partner would likely be even more pleasant than a hug from a stranger. Because of the shared history, emotional closeness, and sexual intimacy a couple has together, a quick hug in the kitchen before one of you leaves for work could mean even more than a hug from someone you don’t know well or at all.

Hugs Increase Well-Being

Being hugged uplifts our mood.  If you are feeling isolated or are going through a rough time, a hug releases endorphins. Endorphins are the body’s natural pain relievers. These neurotransmitters increase our feelings of pleasure.

While it seems to be just a simple, loving gesture from a loved one, hugging also increases our level of oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone." Oxytocin helps us bond with others and reduces the stress hormone, norepinephrine.

While hugging a family member or partner when we get home may seem like a small thing, healthy touch is like the glue that connects us. It underpins our physical, psychological, and emotional well-being. Hugs actually enhance our relationships and bonding with others.

Hugs and Personal Conflict

Our bonding with others is sometimes subject to conflict. Hugs even help us during interpersonal conflict. In a recent study, scientists interviewed 404 adults every night for 14 consecutive days specifically about "their conflicts, hug receipt, and positive and negative affect."

The study's results aligned with its hypothesis that hugs buffer against harmful changes in our emotions when we experience interpersonal conflict. Surprisingly, the effects lasted even through the next day.

Hugs Boost Immune Response

Can being hugged and hugging others affect our susceptibility to infectious disease? Yes, according to scientists.

In this recent study regarding upper respiratory infection, researchers examined the roles of perceived social support and received hugs in protecting us from stress-induced susceptibility to infectious disease. Researchers exposed participants to a virus that causes a common cold. They then monitored participants in quarantine to assess for signs of infection and illness.

Can You Give Yourself a Hug?

If your partner or spouse is working in another city or your family and friends are scattered, you can’t always get the physical contact you desire right now. You might choose to hug yourself. You can thereby give yourself that feeling of being secure and loved.

If your goal is to reduce the sense of touch hunger, hugging, self-stroking and massaging are excellent activities to accomplish that.

Here are 6 suggested ways to self-soothe:

1. Tell yourself positive things and give yourself a warm, strong hug.
2. Place your hand over your heart and gently massage your heart.
3. Softly massage your temples.
4. Crisscross your arms and stroke the upper arms gently up and down.
5. Put your hands on your shoulders and rock side to side.
6. Rub your back against the back of the couch side to side.
   

Self-hugging and self-soothing create an opportunity to give yourself two other great gifts: self-love and self-compassion. You’ll thereby boost all the good chemicals in your body and make it hum.

Keep in Mind

Physical contact is essential for well-being, which is why you might think, "I want a hug" (especially if you are feeling stressed, lonely, or in need of extra support). Getting a hug from a loved one or your partner can be a great source of relief, but even hugs from other people can have wellness-boosting benefits.

You don't need to wait for someone else to offer a hug; consider asking a friend or other person in your life for a hug, or even try hugging yourself. Self-soothing can be an important emotional regulation tool, so embracing yourself, rubbing your arms, or massaging your temples can be a way to benefit from physical touch.