How to Read Mixed Signals in Body Language (And Avoid Sending Them, Too)

Ever walked away from a conversation feeling confused about what you’d just experienced? It’s possible that the person you were talking to was sending you some mixed signals through their body language. 

Body language tells us what’s really going on beneath the surface. It’s easy to say one thing while not believing it or meaning something else, but it’s harder to conceal what your body is saying. 

Reading body language is an important part of communication, and when someone’s body language doesn’t match what they are verbally expressing, that communication can become muddled and unclear. 

“Understanding how to read nonverbal cues, including body language, is the answer to one of the most fundamental problems our species faces—understanding and predicting the behaviors of others,” says Dr. Abbie Marono, behavioral scientist.

Read on to learn more about body language and mixed signals and how to interpret them.

Understanding Mixed Signals

A mixed signal in body language is when someone’s words are saying one thing while their body language is saying another. 

“Our body language can show mixed signals because we often experience internal conflicts between emotions, attempt to mask our true feelings, or engage in perception management,” says Dr. Marono. 

Some scenarios where this could commonly happen are:

• At work—in a meeting or giving or receiving professional feedback
• On a date—your date might be saying they’re interested in you but their body language says otherwise
• In a conversation or argument with your partner—they might be telling you they’re not mad but their body is indicating that they are

Of course, body language plays a part in any conversation in which you can see the person you’re talking to. That’s why it’s so important to be clear with your body language and be able to interpret the body language of others.

Key Elements of Body Language

“On the surface, body language is a form of nonverbal communication, typically referring to body movements, body posture, gestures, facial expressions, proxemics (use of space), and haptics (use of touch),” explains Dr. Marono. “But, below the surface, body language is an expression of our internal state. For example, our mood, emotions, thoughts, feelings, intentions, evolved tendencies, psychological and physiological wellbeing. Our body language is also a means of expressing our cultural and social norms.”

There are many clues to interpreting body language. These are some of the key elements.

Facial Expressions

Have you ever looked at a photo of someone smiling for the camera and noticed that their expression makes you a little uneasy? That’s because there’s a big difference between genuine smiles and fake smiles.

A genuine smile, also called a “Duchenne smile,” engages muscles in the face that fake smiles do not. Certain muscles around the mouth and eyes (causing wrinkles) activate when someone is smiling with genuine emotion. 

However, some studies suggest that a Duchenne smile is more an effect of smile intensity rather than an indication of real happiness. Still, a lack of this activation can signal to you that this person is not feeling real positive emotion. 

According to Dr. Lillian Glass, body language and communication expert and author of "The Body Language of Liars," “another mixed signal is a smile with closed lips and a clenched jaw. If you see this body language,” she advises, “the person isn't really happy—it's a fake smile.” 

Eye Contact

Eye contact is often a very clear way of determining how someone is feeling about you.

Most of us know that establishing and maintaining direct eye contact means that that person is interested in you and what you are saying. When you want to show someone that you are really listening, you look them in the eye.

Conversely, actively avoiding eye contact can mean the opposite. This might indicate that the person you are talking to is uncomfortable with you or what you are discussing, or that they are not interested in what you have to say. If they are repeatedly looking away while you are talking to them, it can be hard to feel like they are invested in the conversation (because usually, this means they’re not).

Blinking is also significant, says Dr. Glass. “If someone blinks a lot when talking to you,” she advises, “they may be uncomfortable around you.”

Gestures

Some gestures are so universal and easily understood that we don’t tend to think of them as body language to be interpreted, but they are! For example, most of us understand that waving a hand at someone with a smile on your face indicates a friendly greeting, but that’s actually entirely body language.

Another great example of a widely understood gesture is moving your head. Nodding at someone usually means that you agree with what they are saying or are following along in the conversation; shaking your head from side to side usually means you disagree or are having trouble understanding.

However, signals can easily get mixed here. Sometimes, the person you’re talking to might be nodding along but then verbally says they don’t agree with what you are saying. In this case, their nodding might have been prompted by trying to understand your point of view, but you interpreted it as agreement. This can throw you and the conversation off-balance because it results in the opposite of what you expected.

Posture

There are plenty of postures that are easily interpreted—for example, leaning in during a conversation is a sign of interest, leaning away is the opposite (or maybe an indication of disagreement or insult). But there’s much more to posture than that.

Closed posture is the act of putting a physical barrier between yourself and the person you are talking to. You might cross your arms across your chest or cross your legs. This kind of posture can let the other person know immediately that you are uncomfortable, upset, or angry.

The direction of your posture can also speak volumes about your feelings. “Say you’re on a date and you think it is going well,” suggests Dr. Lillian Glass. “However, your date is leaning back away from you, and when you look under the table, the person's toes are pointing towards the exit or the door. If they are not pointing straight forward towards you, this means the date is not going as well as expected.” The same holds true if you are standing and talking to a person—if they are leaning back and pointing their toes towards the nearest exit, they’re most likely looking for a way out. 

Proximity

For a lot of people, proximity is also a very clear expression of body language. Basically, the closer you stand to someone, the closer you are to them emotionally. 

Personal space begins at around 18 inches away from your body—people like romantic partners, family members, and close friends can be comfortably included in this personal space range. From 18 inches to four feet away from the body is still considered personal space, and that’s where most people feel comfortable talking to other friends and acquaintances. 

Standing farther away from someone is a very easy way to indicate that you do not feel emotionally connected to that person; however, it is important to bear in mind that this can also lead to mixed signals. Your distance might not have anything to do with how you feel about them, especially if you are the kind of person who doesn’t like to be touched or does not express your feelings physically. Keeping your distance could mean anything from introversion to autism to not liking the way a person smells. 

The only surefire way to make sure that someone understands or is not misinterpreting your body language is to explain verbally what you are feeling (and being truthful about it).

Common Mixed Signals and How to Interpret Them

When it comes to body language, mixed signals abound. Dr. Marono explains why.

“We sometimes try to control how others perceive us, especially in professional or social situations,” says Dr. Marono. “This can lead to mixed signals, where we consciously display certain behaviors (e.g., maintaining eye contact to seem confident) while unconsciously revealing anxiety or doubt through gestures like tapping feet or tense posture. These attempts to shape perceptions may lead to nonverbal inconsistencies.”

Mixed signals in body language can be represented by a wide range of behaviors. Contradictory gestures, such as nodding your head while simultaneously disagreeing with someone, and inconsistent facial expressions, such as smiling while showing discomfort, are very common mixed signals. While you’re focusing on what emotion you’re showing on your face or in your posture, a different signal might slip out someplace else.

There can also be mixed messages regarding touch—namely, the difference between friendly, flirty, and dominant touch. 

Friends are more likely to touch each other in non-intimate and non-intimidating places like the shoulder, elbow, or arm, and they won’t linger. Flirty touches are often initiated with a softer touch, like with the fingertips, and are on more personal areas like the back or the legs. 

Dominant touch, though, is used to assert one person’s power over another, often by grabbing and holding someone’s arm or patting them on the back (and not in a comforting way). 

It is always, always appropriate to speak up for yourself when someone is touching you in a way you don’t like or don’t understand. You could say:

• “I don’t like it when you touch me like that. Please tell me how you are feeling rather than touching me.”
• “I don’t understand why you just touched me that way. Can we talk about it?”
• “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me by touching me like that. Can you please explain what you’re feeling?”

In addition, if you are with a close friend or family member, you might find that they are mirroring your body language, actions, or expressions—this is called mirroring behavior, and it is not necessarily bad. Many people adopt mirroring behavior when conversing with others, especially others with whom they are intimately acquainted.

But in this case, it’s especially important to make sure you know what the other person is actually feeling or trying to say. They might not even be aware of their mirroring; checking in with them can help stave off misunderstandings and help them better express themselves.

Practical Tips for Reading Mixed Signals

Once you know the clues, interpreting mixed signals can get easier. 

Read the Room

First, it’s important to remember to take context and environment into account when trying to read someone’s body language. No one will react exactly the same way to a certain stimulus in every imaginable scenario—things you might normally be honest about verbally with friends or family might need to be censored (or at least tamped down) when talking to someone in authority, such as your boss.

“Nonverbal cues should not be interpreted in isolation,” says Dr. Marono, “but rather in conjunction with the verbal context and individual differences.” This means that you should always cross-reference someone’s verbal cues with their nonverbal cues, and take their personality into account. For example, if someone at work is telling you that your constructive criticism isn’t bothering them, but they are shifting their weight uncomfortably and you know that they are sensitive to perceived criticism, that will affect the way you interpret their body language and what they are trying to express (or not express) to you. 

Be Mindful of Cultural or Situational Differences

“Additionally,” Dr. Marono adds, “human behavior does not occur in a vacuum; thus, it is essential to consider the specific cultural and situational factors when decoding and responding to nonverbal messages.” Maybe, in your conversation partner’s culture, it’s respectful to avert your gaze when speaking to someone in authority; it’s important to keep things like this in mind so that you don’t get offended or misinterpret their feelings.

Assess Their Body Language as a Whole

It’s also important to pay attention to clusters of signals, rather than just isolated gestures. Even though some signals might be mixed, if you consider every gesture together, that might give you enough context clues to figure out how the other person is actually feeling.

“Look at the whole person, not just their face,” advises Dr. Glass. “Watch what they are doing with their hands and feet and body position.” 

How to Avoid Sending Mixed Signals

If you feel as though you are sending mixed signals, or the person you are talking to tells you that they are getting mixed signals from you, take an inventory of what you are saying versus what you are doing. Make sure you are:

• Standing up straight
• Making eye contact
• Not crossing your arms in front of you
• Facing the person you are talking to
• Relaxing any tension (e.g., relaxing your shoulders)
• In an open posture

According to Dr. Marono, it’s impossible to stop sending mixed signals altogether. “The only way to stop sending mixed signals entirely would be to stop experiencing mixed emotions and to be authentic and truthful 100% of the time, but this isn’t a realistic expectation of human communication,” she explains. “In essence, mixed signals occur because our body is trying to navigate complex emotional landscapes, and while we might attempt to control how we come across, certain nonverbal cues can still slip through, revealing a more nuanced emotional state.” 

There are some things you can do, however, to try to mitigate mixed signals. 

Mind your body language. Self-awareness and mindfulness when you are communicating is key. If you feel as though you are not being understood, or if the person you’re talking to isn’t reacting to what you are saying the way you wanted or expected them too, take a moment to check in with yourself. 

Make sure your body language is aligned with your feelings. Make sure that there is consistency between your verbal and nonverbal messages. Say you’re at work and you’re talking to your boss about a project you are struggling with. Maybe you are literally saying that you feel fine about this project, but your body language is illustrating that you are uncomfortable.

Recognizing this discrepancy and realizing that there might be more to what you are feeling than you are letting on can make it easier to avoid mixed signals. This will also help your boss to understand where you are coming from and how to help you.

Conclusion

It’s impossible to avoid sending mixed signals through body language completely, but there are definitely things you can do to make sure your communication is clearer. In addition, keeping an eye out for nonverbal cues, like posture, eye contact, and genuine versus fake smiles, can help you decode someone else’s body language when they are giving you mixed signals.