My Friend Betrayed Me—Should I Repair Our Friendship or Cut My Losses?

Your bestie has your back through thick and then. They’re your go-to when the world throws a rough curve ball and the first person you run to with exciting news. So when they betray your trust or your friendship? That cut hurts deeply.

“Being betrayed by a friend violates the trust of someone who was supposed to be a safe space,” says psychologist Kiki Ramsey, Ph.D, MCC. “Friendships grow through shared experiences and confidence, so when that trust is broken it feels like a personal attack. The emotional fallout can be intense, leaving you questioning the relationship, your judgment, and your worth.”

The good news is that in many cases you can salvage—and even strengthen—your friendship. It’ll just take mutual effort (and time) to repair and restore trust, vulnerability, and connection. But it is possible! Follow these therapist-approved tips on how to rebuild your friendship after a betrayal.

Does It Always Make Sense to Rebuild? 

The sting of betrayal is a hard one to deal with, and you might even wonder to yourself: is it even worth rebuilding the friendship in the first place?

“When deciding whether to mend or move on from a friendship, consider the nature and frequency of the betrayal,” Dr. Ramsey says. “If it’s a one-time event with a sincere apology and a change plan, rebuilding might be worth exploring.” 

However, if betrayals seem to happen way too frequently—or they haven’t been able to show any sense of remorse or willingness to change—then investing your energy elsewhere may be healthier. 

When To Consider Repairing Your Friendship

• It was a one-off mistake or misunderstanding
• The mistake hasn’t completely upended your life or caused irreparable harm
• The mistake didn’t put you or others in grave danger
• They sincerely apologize and show genuine remorse 
• Your friend understands how their actions hurt you and did not intend to hurt you 
• They are committed to being better and to learning and doing things differently moving forward
• You have a deep, positive history together that’s otherwise damage-free

When Walking Away May Make Sense

• Betrayals happen frequently 
• They aren’t remorseful or understanding of the pain they’ve caused you 
• It feels like they don’t value your friendship in general 
• Effort to mend or grow together is one-sided (they don’t put the same energy in)
• You’ve seen them often treat others poorly, too 
• You’ve reflected on your friendship together and realize your values no longer align

The Truth About *Real* Friendships

Here’s the thing about any type of relationship: they’re going to have ups and downs and won’t follow a linear path. “Understanding that human nature is flawed means one person’s mistakes don’t necessarily reflect who they are or how they can continue to support you in the future,” says licensed therapist Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C. Keep that in mind as you forge your path. 

How To Rebuild Friendship After Betrayal 

The feelings you experience after a friend betrays you can be downright painful. You may feel an overwhelming flurry of anger, sadness, frustration, shock, and loneliness—after all, they were the one you turned to so many times for everything else. 

“Betrayal typically comes from someone you’ve allowed into your inner circle, someone who plays a significant role in your emotional foundation,” says Patricia S. Dixon, Psy.D,  a licensed clinical psychologist. “This turmoil is a natural response to the loss of trust and connection, and it can take time to process and heal from these feelings.” 

Give yourself time to process what happened, and then—if it feels right—take these steps to rebuild your friendship again. 

1. Validate Your Pain

Acknowledge your pain and hurt. Feeling grief is a healthy and normal response, and it is important to honor these feelings and not minimize or avoid them.

2. Have an Open, Honest Conversation 

Step number two is to talk it out—ideally in person. A phone call may work, but try to avoid texting back and forth for this one. “Having a conversation about how the person hurt you, why you feel betrayed, and allowing them to apologize and acknowledge the pain they’ve caused is a great first step in rebuilding the friendship,” says Goldberg.

3. Listen to Their Side 

Give your friend a chance to explain their perspective. This allows you to better understand where they are coming from, which can mend hurt feelings and soften anger. This is also an opportunity to assess whether their apology feels genuine, and if you think that it’s possible to move forward. 

4. Remind Yourself Why You Were Friends 

In the face of betrayal, you may question your own judgment with friendships. As long as this is a one-off betrayal (versus an ongoing pattern), it may be helpful to remind yourself why you two were friends to begin with. Goldberg says, “Reminding yourself of the reasons you are grateful for the friendship can help put you back in the mindset of how much care there is between you two.”

5. Genuinely Forgive Them

Grudges and building resentment won’t help either of you. Dr. Dixon says, “Decide to forgive, while also clearly communicating your expectations for the friendship moving forward. This helps establish a foundation of trust and respect as you work to rebuild your connection.”

6. Take Small Steps to Reconnect

You may be surprised at how good you feel once you’ve hashed things out with your friend. Even then, it’s smart to ease back into the friendship. Dr. Ramsey suggests taking “small steps to reconnect and reestablish shared activities and positive experiences, allowing the friendship to grow and heal over time.”

It may take some time, and things may not feel exactly like they once were, but following these steps will help you rebuild your friendship and get back to a more familiar place.