What Is Family Stress Theory?

The family stress theory explores the changes within a family dynamic that occur as a result of a stressful event.

The theory was developed by sociologist Reuben Hill in 1949. He was particularly interested in how families were impacted by World War II and looked into how war-induced separations and reunifications shifted families.

Noticing that the separations and reunions were crises within the family system, he spotted some patterns. He noted how the family's internal and external resources can buffer or exacerbate the stressful event, influencing how the family interprets and makes meaning of the inciting event. All three of these factors combined - the event, available family resources, and the family perception of the event - interact to influence and determine the outcome of the crisis.

Why Is Family Stress Theory Important?

Within every family is a family system. This system includes the family members and their roles, beliefs, rules, values, expectations, boundaries, and responses to their environment.

Parents are expected to fulfill the role of caregivers, and their children rely upon them for safety, survival, and support. In one family system, parents may fulfill all of the caretaking roles for a child like cooking, cleaning, and getting them ready for school. In another family system, the oldest child may be expected to adopt some caregiving responsibilities, like being assigned the role of watching and caring for their younger siblings when their parents are out of the house working. This is a different role for the child, which impacts the family system.

Additionally, a family may have values based on occupational or educational standards. For example, it may be taboo in some families to not attend college, while other families may expect all members to work in a family business or to go to a trade school.

Differing values, roles, beliefs, rules, expectations, boundaries, and responses to environmental factors directly impact what causes, exacerbates, and alleviates stress in different family systems.

What Happens in a Family Unit When an Issue Arises?

When a stressful issue arises in a family, the response will range depending on coping, stress management, and parenting skills. A parent may scream and accuse, blame and shame, approach with curiosity and patience, or any number of responses which is heavily dependent upon their internal and external resources:

• Internal resources: Stress and anger management skills, conflict resolution skills, communication skills, the ability to self-regulate, mindfulness, and self-awareness
• External resources: Financial resources, access to food and medical care, social and communal support, physical or practical assistance, and emotional and psychological support including therapy
  

How to Cultivate Resources During Stressful Times

Family stress theory states that resources can be pivotal in the outcome of the crisis. However, certain resources are outside a family's control. For example, a family's financial situation or access to meet our basic needs cannot always be controlled. In these situations, you can look at internal resources you can cultivate and external resources you can access.  

Example Scenario No. 1: A Parent Loses Their Job

Let's say you are a parent who is a primary provider for your family who loses your job. This will thrust your family into varying levels of crisis depending on your needs, savings, environment, and support system. If you do not have much in savings and are applying for every job you can with no luck, this can cause significant stress that can be exacerbated without support and limited external and internal resources.

You notice that you have less emotional availability when parenting and that your children’s behavior begins to shift as your temper shortens, mood changes, and own struggles and stress begin to affect the rest of your family.

This would be an example of a time to connect with your external resources and reach out for social and community support. Calling upon a family or community member to help with childcare could be instrumental in providing your children care while allowing you the space and time you need to focus on finding a job. This may be challenging for those with limited friendships and community connections, intensifying stress and hardship.

Another option for developing and tapping into external resources is exploring community resources. For example, there might be a job fair you can attend, a subsidized after school program for your children, or an assistance program offered through a religious institution or community organization.

This would also be a time to practice summoning inner resources like identifying your triggers and focusing what you can do and control instead of spiraling into catastrophic thinking, taking care of your physical body with sleep, nourishment, and movement, allowing yourself to feel and process anger, fear, and grief without taking it out on others, and meditation or visualization practices.

Example Scenario No. 2: A Parent Learns That Their Child Is Disrupting Class at School

If you're a parent and you receive a call from your child’s school that they are acting out during class, you might grow extremely frustrated by their behavior and feel embarrassed or ashamed to receive such a phone call.

You could react and attempt to discipline your child through yelling, harsh words, and intimidation tactics. Alternatively, you could call on your internal resources by responding with curiosity and kindness, exploring with your child why they feel the need to act out, and utilizing external resources by and collaborating with their teachers to reinforce supportive and positive coping and redirection tools. 

Coping With Family Stress

In the midst of hardship, it might be hard to imagine how to decrease stress within the family system. However, even small actions can lead to different outcomes.

Plan Family Meetings

First, consider implementing a practice of having a family meeting where you can each spend some time exploring how the current stressors are impacting you and each family member. Before digging into dialogue with each other, take time to set some shared agreements.

For example, can you each agree not to talk over each other? If one of you starts to raise your voice, can the group agree to take a break from talking for a few minutes? This can help ensure each member of the family feels safe and heard.

Consider Family Therapy

If the family meetings seem like they could result in further anguish among family members, consider attending family therapy. In a family therapy session, a trained mental health professional can help each of you stay on track while resolving your challenges.

Schedule Alone Time

It may also be helpful to create a family schedule where each family member gets an hour of alone time. During this time, that family member is supported in relaxing and engaging in an activity they like or find soothing without interruptions from others. Doing so can allow greater space for rest and relaxation and the cultivation of more embodied internal resources.

Create a Zen Corner

To create a culture of mental wellness in your household, a zen corner could be really helpful. A zen corner is a part of the house that is designated for meditation. When things are feeling overwhelming, it is a place to go to take deep breaths and regulate your nervous system. While they are often created in children's rooms, you can opt to make one that is friendly for kids and adults alike.

Ask for Help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Maybe it is joining a support group, seeking therapy, developing and deepening relationships, finding and joining supportive communities, or asking your loved ones for assistance. It may also be helpful to consider different possibilities and perspectives, to share best practices with others for coping and stress management, to learn how to express and process your emotions, and to consider how the stressful experience could be a way to learn how to be better prepared for future stressors.

Please be gentle with yourself during this process as it can be challenging to shift deeply embedded patterns, perspectives, and internal and external resources. It's okay to make mistakes and to take time to cultivate and develop different skills and responses to stress. The fact that you are reading this article is evidence of your care and efforts to try and do things differently for different results. Don't give up and remember that change takes consistent effort over time. Grant yourself patience and grace and take things one day and one moment at a time.