It's Time To Get Out of Conversations You're Not Into. Here's How

Perhaps you’re being pestered by a friend, family member, or stranger. Maybe they’re asking for a favor from you or they’re chatting you up about a subject that doesn’t interest you. Or, they're making you uncomfortable by providing unsolicited advice or simply being unpleasant. Regardless, you want to exit the conversation, but you don’t want to be rude or escalate things. So, what do you do?

Look saying “I’m not interested” in a kind and gentle way is a superpower most of us don't have. But, as a therapist, I believe there’s an art to direct communication. For example, using I-language can help diffuse the possibility of a conversation escalating into an argument.

Naturally, all of this is easier said than done. When faced with telling someone you’re not interested, things can immediately feel contentious. That’s why I’ve rounded up 25 different therapist-approved ways to say, “I'm just not interested.”

What to Say When Someone Is Expressing Romantic Feelings for You

Figuring out how to respond to someone confessing their feelings to you is tricky. You don't want to hurt their feelings or even fear of them lashing out at you. Plus, you just may not be interested due to logistical reasons. These responses can help you navigate this sticky situation.

“Thank you for letting me know. I just don’t feel the same way.”

This may feel brutal, but it is honest and direct. It takes courage to say they’re interested in you but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to reciprocate those feelings.

“I am flattered, but I am not interested.”

Only use this if you are actually flattered. Honesty is the best policy, so no need to offer a compliment if you don’t feel that way.

“I’m not open to exploring anything romantic right now.“

Notice the words right now? Say this if you might be interested in this person under different circumstances.

“I’m not interested in going on a date with you.”

This is direct and to the point. It is best used if someone pesters you for a date despite your many rejections.

What to Say to a Stranger You Need to End a Conversation With

Letting a stranger know you’re not interested is hard because you don’t have any context of how they’ll respond. In these cases, short, direct, and straight to the point is the way to go.

“I’m sorry to interrupt – but I have to go.”

It's direct but it gets the job done.

“No, thank you.”

Remember, no is a complete sentence. And if that isn't enough for them to take the hint, you can always swiftly walk away.

“Thank you, but I’m not interested.”

Honest, polite, and an effective I-statement.

“Now isn’t a good time.”

If someone is trying to sell you something, wondering if you’ll sign a petition, or entertain any other sort of offer, this statement is a great way to protect your time and energy.

What to Say to a Colleague While Maintaining Warmth and Professionalism

Colleague relationships are hard, especially when you need to establish boundaries but are worried about how they'll be received. There are a few different ways to approach these issues, all of which involve polite but firm communication.

“Thank you for your ideas. I’ve got this covered but maybe we can collaborate in the future.”

If a colleague is expressing their ideas and you’re clear it is not the best fit right now, express gratitude and let them know the conversation can continue later down the road. Just because now isn’t a good time doesn’t mean never.

“Let’s save that idea for another time.”

Again, their idea may not be the solution you need right now, but it could be later.

“Thank you so much for thinking of this, but I need to pass.”

Kind and direct.

“We have so much to do—let’s keep the focus on work.”

Say this when a colleague is trying to mix personal with professional.

What to Say to a Friend When You’re Not Interested 

In some ways, conveying you’re not interested when talking with a friend is a bit easier. There's trust built, so your friend should know where your intentions lie. But, in any case, here are some kind ways to gently let your friend down.

“I say this with love, but can we change the subject?”

This close communication is one benefit of friendship.

“I’m not up to talking about this right now. Let’s talk about something else.”

Again, with a friend, there is a hope you can be honest and keep the conversation moving.

“That’s not really my vibe.”

A casual way to redirect the conversation when it is going toward an off-limits topic.

“There are so many things I want to tell you about – let’s get into it.”

A simple way to gently redirect the conversation.

What to Say to a Family Member Offering Unsolicited Advice 

Family members can be some of the trickiest to communicate with. Here are some ways to redirect the conversation when things get sticky.

“I know you want to help me, but let’s talk about you instead.”

Redirecting the conversation back to them can be a non-confrontational way to avoid further unsolicited advice.

“Thank you for trying to help. I’m doing everything I can right now, so I can’t take in any more advice.”

This is honest and earnest. But, be forewarned, some particularly prickly personalities may not love this response.

“I’m feeling good about this situation, but I appreciate you trying to help me.”

Sometimes our loved ones try to give us advice when we are actually satisfied with our circumstances. This is a firm boundary you can set. 

“I’m tired of thinking about this. Let’s talk about something else.”

If they’re continuing to press you about a situation, you’re likely pretty exhausted. Let them know that as you change the subject.

What to Do When They Won’t Let Up

If someone is continuing to bother you after you’ve clearly stated you’re not interested, this may be harassment. With this in mind, let’s consider some safety measures. If someone is badgering you to go on a date with them, do your best to exit the situation as soon as possible. You can text a friend and ask them to give you a call or even come pick you up from the location you’re at. If a stranger begins harassing you, contacting emergency services can be helpful before things escalate. 

How to Respond When Boundaries Are Being Ignored

Should concerns arise with a colleague and no amount of I-statements are helping, consider reaching out to your HR department or chatting with your boss about the situation. If a friend is upset you’re not interested in the conversation they were presenting, sitting down with them to talk it out may be very helpful. This allows you to see things from their point of view and offers an opportunity to practice more direct communication and repair the rupture overall.

Above all, remember you’re not obligated to stay in conversations that don’t feel right for you. You deserve to set boundaries. Let these phrases help guide the way.