As a Therapist, Here's What TikTok Gets Wrong About Trauma Responses

I’m a therapist who specializes in treating trauma, specifically those experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder. This means I’m versed in utilizing trauma-specific techniques like eye movement desensitization reprocessing (EMDR) therapy to support those who have experienced abuse, neglect, interpersonal violence, and a range of catastrophic events.

In this work, I’ve become attuned to the fact that trauma is often overlooked. What some consider an experience of typical cultural practice, like corporal punishment in the form of spanking children, can actually veer into child abuse, which can result in trauma. Others may consider themselves someone who loves working hard and working a lot. This may be a response to having experienced abuse and learning to use overworking as a distraction from the lasting effects of trauma.

So, What Is a Trauma Response?

First, let’s get very clear on the actual definition of trauma. The American Psychological Association defines trauma as “any disturbing experience that results in significant fear, helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings intense enough to have a long-lasting negative effect on a person’s attitudes, behavior, and other aspects of functioning.”

A trauma response is how we respond to trauma. Mental health professionals typically conceptualize this through the lens of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. These responses are involuntary functions of our autonomic nervous system and take hold when we are faced with a traumatic experience.

Fight is when we face the event head-on and begin engaging in combat; flight is when we evade the event in order to stay safe; freeze is when we stop everything and become immobile until the threat passes; and fawn, which is also sometimes called "tend and befriend," is when we appease the perpetrator to avoid any further escalation of the conflict.

What Isn’t a Trauma Response?

Social media (I’m looking at you, TikTok) may have you believing everything is a trauma response. For example, I recently saw a video explaining that if you tend to rewatch the same tv shows and movies over and over again, it may be a strategy to cope with trauma. It is further elaborated by explaining that those who are survivors of trauma may feel soothed by the fact that there are no surprises when watching reruns since unpredictability can serve as a trigger for trauma survivors. 

However, this doesn’t mean anyone who loves reruns of "This Is Us" is experiencing a trauma response. Social media isn’t a replacement for therapy and trauma responses can be quite individualized. Content like this, which went viral, can lead to hundreds of people believing their comfort rituals are a response to trauma. Some may be left digging for trauma that hasn’t occurred.

Something that I find even more problematic is the lack of sources for the claims made on social media. If this is anecdotal evidence from someone’s experience as a trauma therapist, that is completely valid but should be clearly stated as such since that is different from receiving information from a peer-reviewed journal. 

Trauma Survivors Should Not Be Pathologized

Those who do hold a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder aren’t always having a trauma response. Let’s say someone with PTSD gets into a disagreement with their spouse. While the disagreement wasn’t heated, it touched on a sensitive topic that both parties are struggling to see eye-to-eye on. This person feels misunderstood, angry, and sad. They have trouble focusing the next day, considering how the situation can be remedied.

They might be a bit irritable, too, since their sleep also suffered. This isn’t necessarily a trauma response—depending on the content of the disagreement, it could be a reasonable response to interpersonal conflict. In fact, insisting this is a trauma response could be quite pathologizing for the person who is having an appropriate response to an unsettling experience.

Even Therapists Question What Is and Isn’t Trauma

Here’s a personal example. I strongly dislike going to the dentist. The sound of the drilling overstimulates me, and I have sensitive teeth, so even routine cleanings can feel uncomfortable. During one appointment, I motioned to the dentist to stop, and she didn’t see my hand moving, leading her to continue drilling. Once she finally saw me and stopped, I was scared and breathing. In the following weeks, I turned over the event in my mind, thinking about how I dreaded future dental appointments, and ended up talking about it with one of my colleagues. 

“I don’t want to go back at all. Does this now mean I have trauma around going to the dentist?” I mused aloud. I was serious—I never liked the dentist and was really scared during that appointment. I considered bringing it up to my own EMDR therapist.

“Well. It was an awful experience and you’re having an appropriate response to it. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re having a trauma response,” my colleague replied.

What's the Harm in Labeling Everything As a Trauma Response?

For starters, labeling everything as a trauma response is an inaccurate approach. Everything isn’t a trauma response, and spreading misinformation isn’t good for anyone. Assuming everything is trauma can result in folks feeling that something traumatic must have happened to them, when, in fact, they’re having an appropriate response to an unsettling experience.

In turn, individuals may find themselves digging for traumatic memories and mining their past for explanations as to why they're having a particular experience of a negative event. Furthermore, assuming someone who is a trauma survivor is experiencing a trauma response can be deeply pathologizing. 

When Are Labels Helpful in Healing?

While it is problematic to slap trauma as a label onto any old facet of the human experience, there are times when it is extremely important to have the appropriate label of trauma. I cannot count how many times I have seen someone deeply suffering and not understanding why, blaming themselves for things that happened to them, insisting it wasn’t a big deal and they should be “over it.”

When I provide psychoeducation on exactly what trauma is and that they are having a trauma response, I notice an immediate exhale of relief. When I continue by explaining their body is having a response with the goal of keeping them safe, perspectives can be forever changed. “Finally,” many express. “Finally, I realize I am not broken.”