How to Spot a Sense of Entitlement in Someone You Know

A sense of entitlement is a personality trait based on the belief that someone deserves special treatment or recognition for something they didn't earn. People with this mindset believe that the world owes them without giving anything in return.

The sense of entitlement that is seen in children is not always negative. Throughout the stages of development, children depend on their caregivers. However, as children grow older and become more independent, wanting other people's help becomes less practical and takes away from working toward self-sufficiency.

Signs of a Sense of Entitlement

What are the signs of a sense of entitlement? If you aren't sure whether someone you know might have a sense of entitlement, read through the following characteristics and see if they apply.

In general, a person with a sense of entitlement has a self-absorbed view of the world and little regard or empathy for their impact on others. In its extreme form, a sense of entitlement may be part of a personality disorder (e.g., narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder).

Need for Special Treatment

People with a sense of entitlement think they deserve special treatment. They expect to get preferential treatment and special favors in life without regard for why they should be treated specially. Their view is "the world owes me."

High Demands

People with a sense of entitlement feel that they deserve more than what they have in life. Regardless of what they have, they always believe that they deserve more. They expect to elevate their lifestyle above that of others without putting in the effort needed to do so.

Expect Others to Do Things for Them

Entitled people feel like people should do things for them because of who they are or how much money/power they have. If they have reached a certain level of success, they feel that everyone should bend over backward to help them.

If someone has a problem with them or does not agree with what they are doing, they will try to make the other party feel as if they are wrong and that it is a horrible thing to disagree with them.

Prioritize Their Own Needs

People with a sense of entitlement put their own personal needs before everyone else's needs. If you need something, don't expect them to drop what they are doing and help you.

Melodramatic

When someone doesn't give in to their demands, they will cause a big scene. They may be very dramatic when something does not go their way. If a friend or family member acts like this, you know it is best to avoid them when this happens. Otherwise, they will try to make themselves look better by bringing you down.

Lack of Gratitude

Entitled people are not grateful for what they have in their life. They may not say thank you or show other signs of appreciation for what they have. This is because they believe it is their right to have everything, so they don't value anything.

Entitlement About Money, Material Goods, and People

A sense of entitlement tends to be pervasive across their life. They have a sense of entitlement about money, possessions, or friends. Someone who acts this way about one thing is likely to act the same way about everything else in their life. They may be greedy or will take friends for granted instead of being appreciative.

Victim Mentality

Entitled people often act like victims and blame other people or outside forces for their problems. If someone in your life regularly feels like something bad is always happening to them, they probably have a sense of entitlement.

Need Constant Praise

Some people with a sense of entitlement constantly need praise and admiration from others. A sense of entitlement also goes hand-in-hand with narcissism. People who are focused on only thinking about themselves and what makes them feel good may be very demanding of praise and attention from other people.

Secretly Insecure

Some entitled people secretly struggle with insecurity. While the person with a sense of entitlement may come across as arrogant or confident, this can be a cover-up for underlying insecurity or fear of not having enough admiration, resources, or support. This fear and insecurity can also appear alongside depression and self-isolation.

What Causes a Sense of Entitlement?

A number of factors can contribute to a sense of entitlement. It is a characteristic of narcissism, which may be influenced by:

• How a person was raised
• Whether adults gave a child special treatment
• Whether caregivers solved the individual's problems and shielded them from consequences
• Societal and cultural factors
• If they were indulged and spoiled as a child
• If they were denied things in the past and now believe the world "owes" them to make up for past suffering

A sense of entitlement can sometimes be a symptom of a personality disorder. These disorders affect how a person sees themself as well as others. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder (APD), and borderline personality disorder (BPD) are a few conditions that may contribute to a sense of entitlement.

Impact of a Sense of Entitlement

Entitled people have a tendency to adopt self-image goals, often leading them into conflict with others. While they may be able to put up an exterior of being nice and well-mannered on the outside, research shows that it's all just for show; deep down inside, this is not how they truly feel about themselves or other individuals around them.

Another study suggests that entitlement can be dangerous. Researchers from Case Western Reserve University found that entitled people are more likely to experience chronic disappointment, unmet expectations, and a self-reinforcing cycle of behavior that puts them at risk for harm psychologically or socially.

Tips for Overcoming a Sense of Entitlement

It's not always easy, but it is possible for people with a sense of entitlement to overcome this feeling and adopt new behaviors in order to achieve their goal of being more independent.

Here are a few suggestions to overcome a sense of entitlement.

Recognize the Feeling of Entitlement

Refuse to let it impact your life. If you have a hard time recognizing the feeling, think about other times when you felt entitled and then notice how much that feeling resembles what you're feeling now.

Understand That You are Not Entitled to Anything

Unfortunately, the world does not owe you anything. Life is unfair and it's your job to make the best of what you get in life, not to complain about what you deserve but don't have.

Give Without Expectations

Find ways to help others without expecting anything in return. How can you serve others without expecting anything in return? Simple: volunteer your time. If you want something in return for your services, consider that what you're getting is "happiness" from knowing that you have helped those less fortunate than yourself.

Distinguish Between Needs and Wants

Learn the difference between needs and wants. People with a sense of entitlement have a problem distinguishing between needs and wants. This makes it very difficult to make healthy, sound decisions since you constantly want more than you need.

Focus on Things You Can Control

Focus on what's in your control rather than what isn't. You can only control your own thoughts, feelings, actions, and responses. Stop focusing on what other people are doing or how they are responding to situations. Instead, focus on changing the things that you have some influence over in your life.

Cultivate Gratitude

Practice gratitude for everything good in your life, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem at the time. Consider everything you have in your life right now: a home, family or friends, good health, etc.

Think of Others

Think about how your sense of entitlement is affecting other people in your life. How have other people been affected by your sense of entitlement? Have you unintentionally made them feel guilty or resentful because they didn't live up to your expectations?

If so, remember that other people have their own lives to live and their own feelings. A person's actions toward you aren't necessarily directly tied to how much you mean to them.

Show Yourself Kindness

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself because nobody else will do it for you. It might seem counterintuitive, but one way out of self-entitlement is to be kinder to yourself. 

How to Get Help

If a sense of entitlement creates problems in your life and relationships, consider talking to a mental health professional. They can help you better understand the roots of the problem and diagnose any mental health conditions that might be playing a role.

Therapy can help you better understand your thoughts, behaviors, and coping skills. Some types of therapy that can be helpful include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
• Interpersonal therapy (IPT)
• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)

How to Deal With Entitled People

It can be challenging to deal with people who seem entitled and selfish. Such relationships can create stress and wear on your own sense of self-worth. Some steps you can take to protect yourself and deal with entitled people include:

Establish Boundaries

Clearly explain your boundaries and then call people out if they violate them. Let them know that the behavior is unacceptable and that you will not be able to engage until they adopt a less harmful attitude.

Practice Saying "No"

If someone is making excessive, unrealistic demands, don't be afraid to say no. Set limits on what you are willing to accept and be willing to deny their requests if they are asking for too much.

Encourage Them to Problem-Solve

If someone demands that you solve their problems, encourage them to seek solutions independently. You might do this by saying, "I'm not able to do that, but let's think of what might help you do this." Encouraging people to look for ways to help themselves can foster greater self-sufficiency.

Keep in Mind

Remember, making any sort of change isn't always an easy journey. But it's one that will be worth it. If you're having trouble navigating these changes on your own, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance.

They can help you discover the root of issues that have led to a sense of entitlement.  It's essential to understand that seeking help from a therapist or counselor isn't a sign of weakness.  But instead, a sign that you've identified a need to change and that you wish to improve your life and relationship with others for the better.

Over time, you can learn ways to address issues of entitlement and how to live a healthy, balanced life.