How Strong Is Your Emotional Literacy?

Growing up in an Asian household, we rarely asked each other how we felt. We talked about what happened, what was going to happen, facts, and the news.

So for most of my life, I didn’t fully understand my emotions. It was clear when I felt happy, angry, sad or 'no feeling' which was how I thought I felt when nothing good or bad happened. However, I was never able to grasp the complexities of the emotions that came from more nuanced or especially difficult experiences.

But then when I got into a serious relationship in my 20s, I realized I needed to learn to recognize the depth of each emotion in my body and identify and communicate them to my partner. This was the start of my emotional literacy journey, and I want to help you with yours.

Emotional literacy is the ability to notice, interpret, understand, respond, and regulate emotions. This applies to both ourselves and others. This skill is often developed in childhood, and with a little effort can be improved upon at any point in our lives. Taking the time to check in with yourself throughout the day and implementing simple exercises is a good starting point.

Developing Emotional Awareness

One of the first things I did was develop my emotional awareness which meant being able to identify and describe how I felt and how others felt.

Tatiana Rivera Cruz, LCSW, a Clinical Social Work and Therapist explained that recognizing and identifying emotions is a fundamental skill for emotional intelligence and personal growth. She shared the following techniques for developing emotional awareness.

Practice Mindfulness 

Mindfulness is an effective meditation technique that involves paying close attention to your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without judgment—noticing them, acknowledging them, and allowing them to pass. This heightened awareness helps you notice subtle emotional shifts and patterns.

Keep a Journal 

Cruz explained that regularly writing down your experiences and reflecting on your feelings provides insight into your emotional landscape and helps you identify recurring themes or triggers. 

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist, professor, and writer in New York City added that journaling is a great way to process emotions. 

“By explicating thoughts and transmuting emotions into words — people are able to better understand and pull the ‘red thread’ of an emotion to trace the surface-level trigger to the underlying wound it may be pushing up against,” explained Dr. Romanoff.

Label Your Emotions in the Moment 

Cruz recommends naming your emotions as they arise. Use specific terms that help challenge, reframe and refocus them into healthy and functional emotions.

Pay Attention to Body Signals

Regularly notice how your body is responding. Are your muscles tense or relaxed? Which muscles? Are you feeling hot or cold? These body signals can give a clear picture of your emotional state and function as a form of awareness. 

Talk to Friends and/or a Therapist

Engaging in reflective conversations with trusted friends or therapists can help clarify your emotions by providing an external perspective. 

“[Developing emotional awareness can] help you build a more nuanced understanding of your emotional experiences, enabling you to respond to them in a more informed and constructive manner,” explained Cruz.

Building Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and influence your own emotions and the emotions of others. It has four components including how we perceive emotions, how we reason using emotions, and how we understand and how we manage them. 

There are several ways to build emotional intelligence:

• Set boundaries and learn to say no when you need to
• Be open and willing to accept feedback 
• Take responsibility for mistakes 
• Practice strong listening skills
• Get comfortable expressing your emotions to other people
• Pause before responding or reacting to emotions and think about why you’re feeling this way

Improving Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to your emotions in a healthy way. This means adjusting your reactions to emotions, changing their intensity and controlling when they come up. It helps maintain your emotional system in a functioning state, especially during stress or conflict.

Some practical tips and exercises for managing and regulating emotions include the following:

• Deep Breathing: Practice slow, deep breaths to calm your nervous system.
• Mindfulness: Stay present by focusing on the current moment without judgment.
• Reframing: Change your perspective on negative situations to see them in a more positive light.
• Physical Activity: Exercise can help release built-up tension and improve mood.

Enhancing Empathy and Social Skills

Dr. Romanoff explained how empathy and emotional literacy are connected. Emotional literacy requires a commitment to feeling your emotions and the emotions of those around you. For instance, when you decide how to dress appropriately for the day, you need to gauge the temperature. You must be willing to step outside. 

Empathy involves opening yourself up to the vulnerability of sitting with often painful or uncomfortable emotions — so you can then decide how to manage or act in ways that best serve the emotional reactions of yourself and others.

“Ultimately, [a commitment] to feeling your own and the emotions of others is a way of honoring emotions as vital messengers and integrating their signals into how you make decisions and connect with the people around you. For example, sitting with anger can reveal how a boundary has been violated, fear can reveal danger or threat, guilt can reveal a breach of moral code, and anxiety can signal the need for action,” explained Dr. Romanoff.

Techniques for Developing Empathy and Improving Social Interactions

Cruz explained that developing empathy can enhance your ability to relate to others, build stronger relationships, and create more meaningful social interactions. Some techniques include the following:

• Listen genuinely: When listening to others, do not interrupt or immediately offer solutions. Pay attention to their words, tone, and body language, and try understanding their perspective and feelings. 
• Practice mindfulness: During social interactions, be mindful of your emotional responses and biases. This allows you to connect more deeply with others.
• Engage in self-reflection: Recognize your emotional triggers and patterns. This enables you to approach interactions with greater sensitivity and understanding. 
• Ask for feedback: Seeking feedback from others about your communication style can provide valuable insights into areas for improvement. 
• Read diverse literature and talk to people from different backgrounds: Reading and hearing about someone’s experiences can help broaden your perspective and deepen your empathy.

Applying Emotional Literacy in Relationships

Whenever I fought with my partner, I would stonewall and give him the silent treatment. Then when I was unable to hold it in anymore, I would explode. That didn’t help either of us. 

I began identifying and expressing my feelings to prevent misunderstandings. For instance, instead of lashing out and calling him names, I told him I felt disrespected whenever he came late to our date or checked his phone. 

I learned how to actively listen and acknowledge his thoughts and concerns to understand his feelings better. I used “I” statements to share how I felt without making him feel blamed. Lastly, I focused on resolving conflicts as a team instead of trying to “win” each argument.

Dr. Romanoff explained that emotional literacy can improve communication in relationships as your ability to recognize, feel, and manage your own emotions can be generalized to be able to extend these skills to your partner. 

“Once people strengthen this skill, they can repair relational problems better — which tend to stem from emotional dysregulation or rupture to become more emotionally interactive and collaborative in their relationships,” added Dr. Romanoff.

Emotional Literacy in Education and Work

Cruz explained that emotional literacy is crucial in both educational and professional settings because it enhances interpersonal communication, fosters a positive work or learning environment, and contributes to personal and organizational success. 

Education Settings

Cruz shared that in educational settings, emotional literacy helps students develop self-awareness and empathy, which are essential for effective collaboration, conflict resolution, and academic achievement.

“[Emotional literacy] enables students to understand and manage their emotions, leading to improved focus, resilience, and overall well-being,” said Cruz.

Work Settings

Cruz explained that in professional environments, emotional literacy contributes to effective leadership, team dynamics, and workplace satisfaction. It allows individuals to navigate complex social interactions, handle stress constructively, and build meaningful relationships with colleagues. 

“By recognizing and articulating emotions, professionals can better address conflicts, motivate teams, and drive performance. Emotional literacy supports a culture of respect and understanding, promoting a healthier, more productive atmosphere where both personal and collective goals are more easily achieved,” explained Cruz.

Books for Further Learning

Here are some books to read to further your emotional literacy skills:

• Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman
• The Emotional Life of Your Brain by Richard J. Davidson and Sharon Begley
• The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book: Everything You Need to Know to Put Your EQ to Work by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
• The Mindfulness-Based Emotional Balance Workbook: An Eight-Week Program for Improved Emotion Regulation and Resilience by Margaret Cullen and Gonzalo Brito Pons

“You can increase your emotional literacy by first taking time to intentionally check in with yourself. This might mean incorporating the habit during your morning routine to sit with yourself and determine how you are feeling or throughout the day when you are feeling dysregulated to take a moment to label and sit with the emotion that is coming up,” advised Dr. Romanoff.