'Time Heals All Wounds:' Is There Any Truth to This?

If you've experienced loss, disappointment, heartbreak, or trauma, you've had well-meaning people say that the pain will fade with time. Does time really heal all wounds, as the popular saying goes?

Time is certainly an important factor when it comes to healing. Although it may take away some of the pain, sorrow, or other negative emotions associated with an experience, time on its own is not a healer.  

Does Time Heal All Wounds?

While the saying suggests that grief and pain tend to lessen with time, evidence suggests that this isn't necessarily true for everyone.

The nature of the wound itself can affect how time influences healing. In one study, researchers found that time did have an effect on whether people were willing to forgive an interpersonal transgression. As time passed, people became more likely to forgive, suggesting that time played a role in healing the hurt.

However, research has also found that time does not heal all wounds. In one study, bereaved people had high levels of prolonged grief one to two years after a loss.

Adverse childhood experiences, for example, are traumatic events that occur during childhood that have effects that last into adulthood. Such experiences can include things like neglect, abuse, violence, substance use, divorce, and the loss of a loved one. 

These adverse early experiences are linked to later problems, including depression, unemployment, financial difficulties, substance use, and health problems. Despite the passage of time, these wounds leave a lasting mark that time alone does not heal. 

How Time Can Help You Heal

What is time’s actual role in healing? According to licensed psychologist and owner of the Baltimore Therapy Group Heather Z. Lyons, PhD, time essentially equates to opportunity. Therefore, how someone heals over time ultimately depends on how they decide to use that opportunity to shape their present and future circumstances.

She explains that people can use time to gain insight, healthier relationships, and an orientation toward growth. "Some people will use time as an opportunity to collect experiences that orient them toward their values and dilute or challenge difficult experiences," she says.

For example, people can connect with friends, develop new relationships, or engage in activities they find rewarding to aid in the healing process.

She notes that this is contrasted with rumination, which is reflection that does not integrate thought and emotion.

"Rumination is usually all emotion or all thought. Healthy reflection integrates the two to help people gain new understandings," she explains, noting that when people ruminate, they usually confirm negative beliefs about themselves or others.

For example, this may include a belief like "I knew he'd leave me, that's just the way all men are" or "I won't let my guard down next time so I don’t get hurt."

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What Can Prevent Healing?

It’s possible (and highly likely) that time will not heal all wounds for several reasons. So, what can prevent someone from healing as time goes on?

The following things may prolong your healing even though a notable amount of time has passed:

• Remaining fixated on something, like how a harsh breakup ended
• Refusing to let go of a betrayal by holding a grudge
• Denial that something has happened
• Not forgiving yourself or a person who was accountable for the wound or trauma
• Not having a solid support system or emotional outlet to express your emotions
• Resorting to unhealthy coping and/or distraction mechanisms
• Relying on drinking or taking drugs to numb pain associated with the event

In addition to ruminating, people can use time to support the limiting beliefs that they have that keep them stuck in a cycle of negative experiences.

"[They] find themselves stuck and living in the past as though no time has elapsed after the experience of a difficult event," says Lyons. "Of course, some experiences are so traumatic that they leave us scarred for a while, and this scarring is our brain's way of keeping us healthy," she says.

How to Promote Healing With Time

Time can help with healing, but there are also things you can do to help ensure that you move forward in a way that brings you greater peace.

Essentially, how you utilize your time directly correlates to how well and quickly you will heal. So let's take a look at some factors that help facilitate the healing process.

Integrate Lessons You've Learned

"People need the opportunity to express their pain in ways that marry insight and emotion," says Lyons. This could mean creating art based on your experience, making music, creating journal entries, or writing stories.

Honor Your Emotions

Give yourself grace to fully process your emotions. This is especially important after experiencing a traumatic situation, like a breakup, a death, or a physical injury. Release any judgment associated with the experience, and allow yourself to accept and feel whatever comes up for you in order to move past it.

Receive Support

Lyons notes that people benefit from social support. So spend time with those you trust who can offer you emotional support in your time of need. This can be friends, family, or a trained professional, like a therapist or coach.

Align Your Actions With Your Values

"People benefit from engaging in activities that help them live lives aligned with their values," says Lyons. So pursue the hobbies you enjoy and make new memories doing what you love to help yourself achieve a deeper sense of healing.

Techniques to Speed Up the Recovery Process 

Instead of solely depending on time to heal your wounds, there are other areas that you can focus on to promote healing. To achieve a deeper sense of healing, you can try any or all of the following techniques:

• Spend time with loved ones
• Connect with new potential friends and partners
• Journal
• Meditate
• Improve your physical health
• Collect new experiences (e.g., travel, meet new people, etc.)
• Practice gratitude for all of the positives in your life
• Practice forgiveness toward yourself and those who hurt you
• Practice self-reflection and fully process your emotions
• Lean on your support system
• Speak with a therapist or life coach
• Pursue creative outlets to channel your emotions (e.g., art or music)

Keep in Mind

"Time heals all wounds" is one of the most popular sayings, but it may not be completely true. Although time is not exactly a healer, it can have healing purposes. Ultimately, though, it’s up to you to find ways to achieve healing during the time that passes after experiencing a wound or trauma.

If you find it difficult to overcome an experience, consider seeking the help of a therapist or qualified mental health professional. An experienced professional will be able to guide you through the healing process in ways that offer much deeper healing than time alone can offer.