20 Things to Say to Your Co-Worker Who's Having a Hard Time

Workplace relationships are nuanced. Having close, positive relationships with colleagues is associated with increased well-being in the workplace, which should come as no surprise. If you’ve ever worked in a toxic workplace, which unfortunately many of us have, then you also know the intense toll negative workplace relationships can have. Workplace toxicity not only diminishes employee performance – it can also lead to burnout.  

Part of the nuance of workplace relationships is the delicate balance of boundaries. Within the office, you’re colleagues and peers. Outside the office, you may be close friends. Complications can arise when dynamics outside the workplace come into the office. Even in the most loving workplace relationships, when a dear friend and colleague struggles, you may feel hard-pressed for the right words. You may have deep empathy and a hunger to support them, but might also be worried about an increased workload or stress being brought onto you. 

There is a way to maintain your care, connection, and heart in the workplace while respecting the boundaries of the workplace. Here are 25 ways to support your co-worker through a hard time. 

Do you want to talk?

Don’t assume your colleague will want to talk about what they’re experiencing, even if they’re your work (and/or) real-life bestie. Some folks prefer to keep their mind focused on their tasks, even when it is challenging.

Is there any extra support you need?

A great way to open up the line of communication is to ask your colleague if they need any extra support. Before doing so, be sure to check in with what your capacity is so you don’t end up taking on tasks you’re unable to deliver on. 

Would it be helpful if we redistributed our workload?

This suggestion applies to a scenario with specific circumstances. First, you’ll want to make sure you have the bandwidth to take on extra tasks. Then, you’ll want to consider how that may impact other members of the team. Finally, be aware of your positionality. For example, are you in a leadership role? If so, how would redistributing the workload impact your other work relationships? Maintaining a fair and unbiased perspective with heart is the key. If you can support your colleague in reassessing their workload, go forth.

This is a lot to carry alone. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?

Perhaps you’re clued in on what’s going on and realize your co-worker is carrying something incredibly painful. Asking them if they have a therapist they can talk to may seem like an obvious approach, but in the event they don’t, you can help direct them to a therapist directory. We love Inclusive Therapists and Open Path Collective. 

You deserve support. I can help you find the contact for the Employee Assistance Program.

Employees are entitled to support and many companies have Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs). You can offer to support your colleague by tracking down the contact for them.

Do you want to bookend your chat with HR?

If your co-worker is considering chatting with HR, offer to “bookend” the conversation. This means that you check in briefly before the call and then debrief afterward.

Have you considered taking some time off?

For some, taking time off may not be an option. However, you’d be surprised to learn just how many people don’t even think of taking time off when they’re struggling. Posing the question can be helpful.

I’m worried about you. 

Those with perfectionist tendencies can overlook and even normalize when they’re struggling. Simply stating your worry for them can be a powerful invitation for them to reflect on how they’re doing. 

Just know I’m here for you. 

Reminding them you’re there for them can be more than enough.

I see you and all your efforts.

Part of the struggle in the workplace for many is feeling that one’s hard work has gone unnoticed. Reminding your co-worker that you see them and everything they’re doing can go a long way. 

A job isn’t worth your well-being.

Tread lightly with this one. The majority of us have to work to sustain our livelihood and leaving a job isn’t an easy task. However, if you notice your co-worker’s health is declining due to the stress of work, reminding them that no job is worth their well-being may prompt them to seriously consider what they can do to change the tides.

Want to get together outside of the office to connect?

The office isn’t always the best place to connect on vulnerable feelings. Offer up a hang outside the office, if you feel it is appropriate for the context of your relationship.

Let’s see what your options are.

If your co-worker is struggling due to mental health concerns, they may qualify for a leave of absence. Offering to look into the qualifications for a leave of absence could be a huge help to them.

Don’t feel pressured to share what you’re not ready to.

It can be easy to overshare in the workplace. Reminding your co-worker they don’t owe anyone personal information they’re not comfortable sharing can be powerful.

What do you feel comfortable sharing?

If your coworker confides in you about an issue that involves multiple members of your team, be sure to ask about their boundaries and limits around sharing.

I’ve experienced something similar. Would it be helpful to hear my experience?

Don’t jump to immediately commiserating with your co-worker. Thoughtfully ask if they’re interested in hearing what you’ve had to navigate.

Would you like advice or a listening ear?

Unsolicited advice can sting. Simply asking what your co-worker needs can start the conversation off on the right foot.

Your feelings are valid. 

A simple validation can be healing.

Let’s consider your options.

These options may include speaking to their direct report to reduce their workload, speaking to HR, exploring mental health support outside the workplace, taking time off, and more. You can serve as an unbiased sounding board.

I hear you.

Sometimes, these three simple words are all anyone needs to hear.