25 Signs You Have a Work Wife or Husband (and the Benefits of Having One)

Whether you absolutely love your job or feel there’s room for improvement, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to build rewarding workplace relationships. Cultivating these positive connections instantly builds a more supportive and collaborative environment, can boost job satisfaction, and generally foster a better work experience. 

A “work wife” or “work husband” is potentially one way to do this, but there are some considerations to keep in mind about these relationships. So what is a work spouse, how do you know if you’ve got one, and what internal and external boundaries should you establish?

What Is a Work Spouse?

Work spouses are platonic friendships with a coworker with whom you have a strong and trusting bond. These relationships generally have a sense of emotional safety, there is mutual respect, as well as a trust that allows for disclosure. 

“These relationships can take time to develop, but also might seem to happen naturally,” explains Michele Goldman, PsyD, psychologist and advisor for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation. “There’s a ‘click’ that occurs between work spouses, sometimes formed because of being in a similar field, but then expands to other areas of interest and similarity.” 

Though we often associate a work spouse as being an "opposite gender," that doesn't have to be the case. This person is usually someone who works at the same place, but a work wife or husband could also be someone who's simply in your same field of work.

Benefits of a Work Spouse 

Having a work spouse comes with loads of benefits. Here are some of the key ways this relationship can benefit you and your career. 

Increases Work Support

Whether they offer emotional comfort on a difficult day, send words of encouragement, offer personal advice, or validate your venting, work spouses can provide a great deal of day-to-day support, Goldman says. 

Lightens the Environment

“Having a close connection at work can provide a sense of mutual camaraderie and lighten a serious work environment, especially if you share private jokes with them,” says Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S, therapist at LifeStance Health. This is a boon to your mental health, as well. Science tells us that friendships contribute to our life satisfaction and can even help us manage stress.

Puts a Friend in Your Corner

Having a work spouse may also help you feel less lonely or isolated in your workplace. Having this person in your corner means that you have someone who can vouch for your hard work or have your back on a hard day. 

Boosts Collaboration

You can bounce ideas off one another, which helps nurture collaboration. “You may be more willing to accept constructive feedback from a work spouse as well which can even improve your job performance,” Leanza adds. They can also introduce you to colleagues or figure out how to approach specific problems at work. Research has found that collaborative dynamics often lead to more efficient and effective output.

Validates Your Experience

People outside of work can try to be a good sounding board for us, but a work spouse understands the nuances of your workplace dynamic, including, personalities of bosses and systemic barriers, notes Goldman.

25 Signs You Have a Work Wife or Husband

So how do you know if you have a work spouse? If any of the following sounds familiar then you either have built this relationship or you’re on your way to doing so.

1. You message each other all day long.
2. You share inside jokes about work and life.
3. They’re the person you go to when anything goes wrong at work.
4. They’re the first colleague you share good news with.
5. You’re familiar with each others’ quirks or habits.
6. They’ll defend you in an instant.
7. You’ve got their back, too.
8. You bring each other coffee or snacks during the day. 
9. You like to bounce ideas off each other.
10. You exchange knowing glances from across the room.
11. They’re quick to offer an ear when you need to vent.
12. You help each other through tricky work obstacles.
13. You understand and respect each other’s workload, challenges, and responsibilities.
14. You’re kind of bummed when they’re out of office.
15. You trust their judgment and respect their opinion.
16. They know your career goals and aspirations.
17. You can disagree with each other and it’s not a big deal.
18. You appreciate their feedback and gentle criticisms.
19. You know each other’s food, drink, and work preferences.
20. You grab lunch together or happy hour when work gets out early.
21. They’ll help pick up the slack when you’re having a bad day, and vice versa.
22. Your real spouses and friends/family know your work spouse.
23. You cover for each other when one is MIA.
24. You always sit next to each other in meetings.
25. Your other colleagues wonder where the other’s at when you’re not together.

Tips on Navigating a Work Spouse Relationship

These are potentially difficult relationships to navigate, largely because of how emotionally connected two people may feel with how often you see each other and how entwined your lives are. That said, it’s important to create boundaries and a level of transparency between you both and your respective partners (if applicable). 

Tell Your Romantic Partner About Them

“If you have a romantic partner, tell them about your work spouse and introduce your work spouse to your romantic partner,” Goldman suggests. “Tell your romantic partner parts of the conversations you’re having with your work spouse to include them in the relationships. This reduces the likelihood of jealousy and secrecy.” 

Keep Certain Aspects of Your Personal Life Private

In the same vein, you should not disclose private or intimate details about your romantic relationship with your work spouse, nor should they be a sounding board for venting about your relationship. Goldman says you can process something about a conversation or disagreement with a partner, but to do this as a means of working through an issue to bring you closer to your romantic partner. 

Some other ways you can ensure this relationship stays healthy is to keep certain topics off the table, limit contact once you’re home for the day, and to include other coworkers in your time together to avoid colleagues from perceiving a cliquish work environment.

Fostering your workplace friendships is one of the best ways to improve job satisfaction and keep you motivated at work. Keep boundaries firm and lean into each other as needed.

Keep in Mind

If you don't have close work friends or a work spouse, it's okay to start small. Knowing and feeling closer to a few people has a more positive effect than having superficial relationships with many.

If there is a colleague you respect, like, or admire but don't know well, you can ask a work-appropriate personal question the next time you see them, or you can check in with a coworker if it seems like they might be having a rough day. You could also call a colleague to brainstorm ideas, ask someone for feedback on something you are working on, and check in with them on how they are doing and if there's anything they need support with.

Developing and deepening your workplace friendships is a wonderful way to improve job satisfaction, reduce stress, boost productivity, increase engagement, and keep you motivated at work. Positive social connections and interactions in the workplace are important for mental and emotional health and wellness. Keep boundaries clear and support each other as needed.