Have You Met the Right Person at the Wrong Time? Here's How to Cope

Meeting the right person at the wrong time is a really rough situation to find yourself in.

Even though it seems like this person checks all the boxes, it feels like the entire universe is conspiring to keep you apart. And while you might keep trying to make the relationship work, circumstances seem determined to prevent you from being together. In some other reality, the two of you might've gone on to have a long and happy love story. But instead, you're forced to let this person go before your connection has a chance to be fully realized.

This experience can be a source of intense frustration and heartbreak and the task of processing it and moving forward is not an easy one. When external or internal forces are destined to keep you apart, how do you deal?

The truth is, that the factors and circumstances that prevent the relationship from moving forward vary from person to person. In some cases we might even try to make a less-than-perfect relationship work...and it's important to discern whether this is a good idea or not.

So, unfortunately, there is no universal advice that will make this sucky situation feel better right away. The best you can do is give yourself the space to navigate your feelings and figure out the best course of action for you.

Why Someone Might Be the Right Person at the Wrong Time

All the ingredients for an awesome relationship are there. They’re kind, have a great sense of humor, share your values, and share many of the same interests. 

You seem compatible in almost every way, and they are everything you’ve been looking for—except for that one thing keeping you apart: the timing. Maybe they live on the other side of the country. Or perhaps you’ve just exited a serious long-term relationship and aren’t ready to date yet.

"For people who feel they've met the right person at the wrong time, I think it's important to be able to identify what is drawing them to the person," says licensed professional counselor Bonnie Scott, LPC.

For example, she suggests asking yourself what makes them seem like the right person and which qualities you are drawn to. It also helps to consider the factors that might be standing in your way. 

If there are factors within your control and you decide the relationship is worth pursuing, you might decide to take the steps to make it happen. In other instances, there might be forces outside of your control working against you. 

The following factors might make someone seem like the right person at the wrong time.

You Live Too Far Apart

Distance might make the heart fonder, but sometimes fondness doesn’t translate into a workable relationship. They might be the right person, but how do you make it work when you live in separate cities, states, or even time zones?

Research has found that couples involved in long-distance relationships are more likely to separate than those who live near one another.

Living far apart means you have fewer opportunities for face-to-face interaction. Busy schedules, time zone differences, and technological barriers can also hamper communication.

External Pressures Stand in the Way

You might also face family expectations, societal pressures, or cultural norms. For example, your family might prioritize making certain life choices, such as finishing your education or establishing your career, before settling into a committed relationship. So, you might feel torn between your romantic feelings and personal obligations.

Societal norms about when we should achieve certain life milestones can also interfere with relationships. If the timing of a potential relationship seems to conflict with these societally prescribed milestones, you might feel pressured to push your feelings aside.

You're Not Ready for a Relationship

Even if someone seems like a great match, you might not feel ready to commit to a relationship at this point in your life. This might be because you are not emotionally ready for a long-term relationship. In other cases, it might stem from unresolved issues or traumas from your past. 

If you are still getting over the hurt of a breakup, you might not be ready to dive back into another relationship. It can be particularly difficult to make yourself open and vulnerable to someone else after you’ve experienced heartbreak, betrayal, or loss. 

Your Goals Are Out of Sync

Conflicting goals can also put a damper on a potential relationship. They want a large family, but you don't want to have kids. You want to live in the city closer to work opportunities, but they want to move to a rural town to be closer to family. You want to spend money on traveling the globe while they want to save for their future retirement.

You're Dealing With Personal Challenges

Dealing with difficulties in your personal life, such as mental health problems, medical issues, or family difficulties, can also leave you feeling like you’ve met the right person at the wrong time. You might feel like you need to work on these personal issues outside of a relationship before you are ready to commit to another person.

You're Still Figuring Yourself Out

Sometimes, we meet someone at a point in our lives where we are still figuring out who we are and what we want. While the other person might seem perfect, not fully knowing what you want from life or a partner can make you hesitant to commit.

Emotional Effects of an Ill-Timed Connection

Meeting the right person at the wrong time can affect your life in various ways. You might experience:

• Regret: It can be hard to look back and wonder what might have happened if you met that person at a different time or under different circumstances. You may find yourself ruminating over what might have been, which can create distress and unhappiness. The "right person, wrong time" can seem particularly painful because you’re so likely to imagine outcomes that might have happened if only the timing hadn't been against you.
• Stress: The poor timing of a desired relationship can create feelings of anxiety and stress. You might feel conflicted about what you should do and may find yourself doubting your choices. This sense of uncertainty about whether you should press pause or try to pursue the relationship can take a toll on your well-being.
• Worse relationship satisfaction: You might compare your current relationship to your vision of that past relationship. Such feelings can lead to self-blame and cause you to feel less satisfied with your current relationship.
• Resentment: Feeling like you might have missed out on the love of your life can lead to feelings of resentment and anger. You might look at situations, people, or even yourself with bitterness.
• Inability to let go: Clinging to the hope that you might eventually be able to return to the relationship or find a way to make it work can make it difficult or impossible to move on. This can make it harder to grow and learn from the experience and hold you back from experiences and other fulfilling, healthy relationships.

Deciding to pursue the relationship despite obstacles can also affect your life, including missed opportunities. You might pass up on career advancements, experiences, relationships, and even personal goals if you make significant changes in your life for a relationship.

What It Feels Like

It's normal to feel different emotions when you meet the right person at the wrong time. You might feel excited about meeting someone you really share a connection with, but also a sense of longing and frustration that you cannot be together. 

Even after your window of opportunity has passed, you might find yourself holding on to hope that you'll be able to one day work through the timing problems holding you back. You might think that eventually, you'll meet again and be able to make it work.

Wondering what might have been is one common response. Aura De Los Santos, an educational psychologist, explains that she turned down one potential partner in her 20s because she didn't feel ready. Years later, she looked back and wondered what might have happened if she had decided to pursue that ill-timed relationship.

And while the common "What if?" question still lingers, De Los Santos suggests she did what was right for her.

"I thought about what my life would have been like if I had given that person a chance, but at the same time, I have no regrets," she says. "I have always thought that there are stages you have to live through in life before settling down and formalizing with someone."

How to Cope When It’s the Right Person at the Wrong Time

Meeting your dream partner only to be held back by personal or situational variables can be confusing. Your feelings might range from hopeful to heartbroken.

While the emotions you feel can be complex and challenging, there are strategies that can help you figure out what steps to take–whether that means pursuing a relationship despite the challenges or deciding to move forward without exploring the connection further.

Figure Out Your Priorities

The first thing you should do is take some time to yourself to evaluate your priorities, says therapist Daniel Rinaldi, MHC. 

"I recommend journaling about this and taking time to reflect on what you're looking for in a relationship and from the other person and what priorities are taking precedence in your life," Rinaldi says.

This means looking at the trajectory you imagine for your life. Once you have a clearer picture of what you want, talk to the other person about their goals and consider whether you might be on the same page in the long-term.

Talk About It

"If you find yourself in a ‘right person, wrong time’ situation, one of the most important things you can do is talk openly and honestly about it,” Rinaldi says. To move forward with a decision that is right for you, it is essential to talk to the other person about why it might not be the right time to pursue a relationship. 

Be Honest About What You Want

"I think it's so important for the success of a relationship that you are honest first with yourself about what you want and where you are in your life," says Kaamna Bhojwani, MA, a sexuality expert and host of KaamnaLive.  

"I see so many people jumping into marriages because they think their time is running out (women in particular) or because they don't want to be lonely," Bhojwani explains.

Spend time thinking about what's important to you. Establishing a sense of clarity about what you want can help you better understand why a particular relationship might not have worked. It can also take the pressure off of you to try to hold on to something that, ultimately, just isn't right for you. 

Give Yourself Time

It’s OK to need some time to recover from feeling like you’ve lost out on what might have been a great relationship. Show yourself some compassion and allow yourself to process what you are feeling. 

While it is important to be hopeful, it is important not to cling to the idea of a relationship that didn’t work. Instead, focus on taking what you’ve learned from the experience and what you’ve learned about yourself and moving forward with greater self-knowledge. 

Remind Yourself Why It Wasn't Right for You

Some experts suggest that there is no such thing as the right person at the wrong time. If you can't start a relationship with someone because they aren't right for your life at that particular time, then they aren't the 'right' person. 

Even if you meet someone who seems to be the "right" person for you in many ways, remember they are not the only person who could ever be a wonderful match for you. It is important to be true to yourself, make courageous choices that are in alignment with your values, and keep your heart and mind open as you move forward.