Being Pretty Is a Privilege. So, What Happens If I'm Not?

I learned early on that I did not fall into the traditional description of “pretty.” It wasn't the go-to adjective people used to describe me. I wasn't that popular girl in class who effortlessly turned heads and won favors nor the winner of Miss This or Most That. 

Kids and adults alike would casually remark, often unwittingly, about my features, my stubborn acne, or my body. Unsurprisingly, like many teens, I struggled with my appearance well past high school. 

It took years to unlearn the messages society had force-fed me since childhood—that because I existed outside the beauty standard, I was “ugly.” And as I unlearned these lies, I realized, wait, who gets to set the bar? And, why do we even need a bar? 

I soon recognized that my experiences weren't unique, but a manifestation of a broader phenomenon known as “pretty privilege.”

Understanding Pretty Privilege

Pretty privilege is a form of cognitive bias that gives unearned advantages and preferential treatment to those perceived as attractive, according to societal norms.

According to counselor and certified self-talk trainer Anne Poirier, constant exposure to this stereotyping and discrimination can make those excluded feel like they need to change or “fix” themselves, whether that's through dieting, medication, treatments, or surgeries, to feel good about themselves. This perpetuates the cycle of pretty privilege, making it harder for us to recognize diverse beauty and personal worth beyond physical appearance.

The Psychology Behind Pretty Privilege

For example, research shows we are more likely to view those with symmetrical faces as attractive but also healthy, intelligent, friendly, and self-confident. On the other hand, people with asymmetric faces are perceived as being more “anxious.”

For instance, the “ugly laws” enforced between the 1860s and 1970s across various U.S. cities literally banned people with visible disabilities, diseases, and deformities from appearing in public. “People ended up being forcibly institutionalized because of those laws,” notes Dr. Afzal.

A more recent example is “how people in bigger bodies are unfairly judged to be lazy or less motivated and may be given more menial tasks or roles that are behind the scenes,” says T.J. Mocci, an Oakland-based therapist and certified eating disorder specialist. People with pretty privilege, however, may get more client-facing roles, she adds. We see this discrimination across industries, from hospitality and retail to media and marketing. 

The Impact of Pretty Privilege

The ripple effects of pretty privilege, aka “beauty bias,” can cascade across multiple aspects of our lives, influencing social, economic, and even legal outcomes. Let's take a closer look:

Social Impact

Since conventionally attractive people are perceived to have better personalities, “they may find it easier to make friends, receive invitations to social events, and be included in various activities,” says Dr. Afzal. In contrast, according to a 2022 study, those deemed less attractive and “less intelligent-looking” are perceived as “less human.”

“This disparity can reinforce societal hierarchies based on appearance and perpetuate stereotypes about attractiveness and worth,” says Dr. Afzal.

Emotional Impact

Attractive people tend to get frequent positive reinforcement and compliments, which can boost their self-esteem and confidence, says Dr. Afzal. However, “they may also experience pressure to maintain their appearance, leading to anxiety or stress about aging or physical changes,” she adds. 

On the other hand, people who don't benefit from pretty privilege “may struggle with feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, as they may receive less positive feedback and validation from others,” says Dr. Afzal. 

According to Poirier, they are also more likely to constantly compare themselves to others, from celebrities to colleagues to strangers, which can further damage their self-image and self-esteem. Low self-esteem is associated with a number of mental and physical health concerns, including eating disorders, social isolation, anxiety, and depression.

Psychological Impact

For those who benefit from pretty privilege, the overemphasis on appearance can lead to superficial relationships based on looks rather than deeper connections, says Dr. Afzal. 

They may also find that their successes and talents are often chalked up to their appearance rather than their effort, intelligence, or abilities. “When achievements are constantly undermined, individuals may start to doubt their abilities and question their worth beyond their appearance. This can lead to imposter syndrome,” Dr. Afzal explains.

Conversely, those considered less attractive may constantly feel judged, overlooked, or undervalued based on their looks, which can contribute to body dissatisfaction, anxiety, and depression.

Professional Impact

Studies show conventionally good-looking people are more likely to receive callbacks for job interviews, get hired and promoted sooner, and earn higher wages than their less attractive coworkers. They are also perceived as more effective leaders. All of which can positively influence their career trajectory.

“Those who do not have these advantages may feel as though they are in a race they cannot win,” says Corey Woodhouse, LPC, QIDP. “As their counterparts navigate with relative ease, they are presented with obstacle after obstacle along the way and have to work much harder.”

Legal Consequences

The legal system is the last place you want to be judged on your looks, but even there, appearances matter. Research suggests good-looking suspects are less likely to be arrested and convicted than their less attractive counterparts. Even if they do get convicted, attractive offenders are more likely to receive lenient sentences.

Pretty Privilege in Context

Pretty privilege, though different, shares some common threads with other forms of biases that need to be tackled to create a more equitable society. To better understand this dynamic, let's explore some of these parallels: 

Influence On Perception

Pretty privilege is a form of implicit bias like male or white privilege. Implicit biases are subconscious perceptions, beliefs, and attitudes that influence our interactions and decisions. They tend to be subtle and operate outside of our awareness. For example, a manager might unconsciously perceive a working mom as less committed to her job than a working dad due to gender and maternal bias. Or, as stated previously, conventionally attractive people may be viewed as more intelligent and capable due to the halo effect. In contrast, explicit biases are overt and intentional prejudices toward certain individuals or groups (e.g.; hate speech or body-shaming).

Emphasis On Arbitrary Characteristics

Similar to other appearance-based biases like colorism, ageism, heightism, and weight bias, pretty privilege grants unearned advantages to one group over the others based solely on arbitrary traits (be it looks, body size, age, or skin color) rather than intrinsic qualities like merit, skill, and character.

Impact On Treatment

Social privilege, whether they are based on appearance, race, gender, wealth, disability status, or something else, can significantly impact life outcomes. People who benefit from these privileges might not notice it because they are so normalized. However, those left out often face discrimination, social exclusion, and systemic barriers, affecting almost all areas of their lives. 

Intersectionality

Pretty privilege often intersects with other privileges, which can compound advantages or heightened discrimination, depending on a person's social location. For example, white, able-bodied, straight men get higher salaries and better treatment than their non-white, non-male peers in the same STEM fields. On the flip side, for example, disability benefits in some countries are lower for disabled women than for disabled men.

Ethical Implications

Beauty bias not only skews the playing field but also poses serious ethical concerns. For instance, in classrooms, physical attractiveness has been shown to influence students' grades and teachers' evaluations. More disturbingly, appearance-based biases also affect healthcare settings. Research reveals that attractive patients are more likely to receive higher-quality treatment and care than their less conventionally attractive counterparts.

Overcoming Pretty Privilege

Here's the thing, societal biases like pretty privilege aren't just perpetuated by those who discriminate against people but also by those who allow it to consume their whole identity. So what can you do? Take that label, tear it up, and create your own definition of “pretty” you wish to see in the world. 

Consider implementing these six strategies to redirect your approach:

• Embrace body neutrality: For many, body positivity can be too far off a leap from body dissatisfaction. Body neutrality is more feasible and authentic, says Mocci. “Body neutrality looks at the body as a vehicle to experience your life in. It focuses on the body's function rather than its appearance,” Poirier explains. 
• Practice self-acceptance: Remember, what others do or don't have doesn't add or subtract from your self-worth, says Woodhouse. Embrace what makes you unique and acknowledge your abilities. Dr. Afzal recommends using affirmations that reinforce a healthy self-image. For example: “I'm enough,” “I'm allowed to take up space,” or “I'm confident in who I am and what I offer.” If you're having trouble silencing your inner critic, Mocci suggests seeking a therapist specializing in body image or cognitive behavioral therapy to you understand why you think about yourself the way you do and help reframe your thoughts.
• Surround yourself with positivity: Surround yourself with supportive, compassionate people who appreciate you for who you are, Poirier advises. Also, get rid of content that causes feelings of negativity, comparison, unworthiness, or self-judgment. Instead, Poirier recommends following accounts that reflect diversity, inclusivity, and self-compassion.
  
• Be nice, really: Research shows the halo effect works both ways. In addition to the “what is beautiful is good” stereotype, there is also a “what is good is beautiful” stereotype. Positive behavior and personality traits like honesty, decency, and compassion can contribute to how attractive people think you are. You know how some people don't blow you away right off the bat, but they kinda grow on you? Exactly.
• Check your own biases: Take time to reflect on your own biases and how they may affect your perceptions and actions, says Dr. Afzal. If you are someone who benefits from pretty privilege, educate yourself about the experiences of those who are disadvantaged and actively work toward creating more inclusive spaces. “We don’t get to recover from this broken culture without those with privilege giving up some of their comforts to equal the playing field,” says body acceptance coach Debbie Saroufim.
• Challenge the norms: Speak out when someone you know uses words to put others down, including coded comments like: “They're not pretty in an obvious way.” Also, build up your friends when they're criticizing themselves, says Mocci. “Pretty privilege is all about what society defines as beauty, and each of us has the power to shape the meaning of beauty for the better,” she adds.