Which Personality Types Are Most and Least Compatible?

We use many adjectives to describe our personalities—bubbly, relaxed, fun, shy, etc. We also pay a lot of attention to these descriptors when describing what we want in a partner. Some people put a lot of thought into it, seeking out partners whose personalities either mirror or complement theirs.

Personality types are fascinating; they are a sum of all the quirks and behaviors that make you, well, you. They also influence how you form connections with people more than you may realize. Consider your closest friends or past and present romantic partners; it may not be surprising to notice a common thread of personality types emerge amongst them.

Understanding your personality type and how it aligns or differs from those closest to you will help you nurture more fulfilling relationships. And when it comes to dating, personalities that complement each other tend to work through conflict successfully and build deeper connections.

A Quick Rundown of the Major Personality Tools

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the Enneagram are two of the most popular personality systems. It’s based on Carl Jung’s Theory of Psychological Types and categorizes people into 16 distinct personality types, each represented by a four-letter code. These codes are combinations of traits like Extraversion vs. Introversion, Sensing vs. Intuition, Thinking vs. Feeling, and Judging vs. Perceiving.

The Enneagram, however, digs deeper into why we behave as we do. It categorizes people into nine types, each with its core desires, fears, and growth paths. Unlike the MBTI, which focuses on external behaviors, the Enneagram explores our internal motivations and emotional patterns. Both the MBTI and the Enneagram work great in helping you understand why you click with some people and don’t get along with others.

Joshua Collins, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical coordinator at SOBA New Jersey, says another useful framework is the Big Five personality traits, which assess individuals based on Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. Research suggests that partners who score similarly on these traits often experience higher levels of satisfaction and stability in their relationships. For example, two people high in agreeableness will likely have a harmonious and cooperative relationship.

Collins adds that it’s essential to have open and honest conversations about your values, goals, and expectations when assessing compatibility with a partner. Using personality assessments, such as the MBTI or Big Five, can provide a structured way to explore compatibility. Additionally, spending time together in various situations can help you gauge how well you navigate challenges and enjoy each other’s company.

Understanding Compatibility in Relationships

Compatibility can make or break a relationship. It’s one of the best-kept secrets to some of the healthiest long-term relationships you know. Compatibility is how well two people’s traits, behaviors, and emotional needs align and complement each other. While having similar interests or hobbies is one aspect of compatibility, the critical factors for successful relationships are how you interact, communicate, and support each other in small and big ways daily.

We’ve all heard the phrase, opposites attract. More often than not, this holds true. In many cases, two people who share many common interests and have very similar outlooks can get along great. But, when we are with someone who brings interest to our lives with different views or interests, that can work out well, too. Just because people look compatible on paper doesn’t necessarily mean they will be, says Ashley Murry, Chief Clinical Officer at Sana Lake Recovery.

The key to a successful relationship is two capable partners who can maintain it. This means both are willing to work out conflicts and are open to hearing and understanding the other’s point of view. Good communicators are more likely to succeed in a relationship, even if they seem to have personality types that wouldn’t be a good fit. Understanding and respecting each other’s communication preferences will help prevent small fights from becoming blown out of proportion. For instance, while you might need time to process your thoughts after a fight, your partner might prefer to hash out any issues immediately until you’re back on the same page.

Exploring Myers-Briggs Type Compatibility

The MBTI divides personalities into 16 types based on four key traits: Extraversion (E) vs. Introversion(I), Sensing(S) vs. Intuition(N), Thinking(T) vs. Feeling(F), and Judging(J) vs. Perceiving(P). For Alex, 27, and Emily, 25, taking an MBTI test helped them understand aspects of each other’s personalities they had previously found a little confusing. 

Alex describes himself as an INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging). INFJs are known for being empathetic, reflective, and organized. On the other hand, Emily is an ESTP (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving) and is often more energetic, spontaneous, and adaptable than Alex.

On paper, an INFJ partnered with an ESTP might seem mismatched, but in reality, they couldn’t be any happier. Since Alex tends to be more cautious, he occasionally appreciates how adventurous Emily is. On the other hand, Emily admits to needing to be a little more introspective when making certain decisions, an area in which Alex comes to the rescue.

Analyzing Enneagram Type Compatibility

Unlike MBTI, which focuses on traits, Enneagram focuses on our motivations, fears, and desires. It categorizes personalities into nine distinct types and answers not just the whats but the whys about our personalities. Here’s a quick rundown of the nine types:

• Type 1 – The Reformer: Principled, purposeful, self-controlled
• Type 2 – The Helper: Generous, people-pleasing, possessive
• Type 3 – The Achiever: Success-oriented, pragmatic, adaptable
• Type 4 – The Individualist: Sensitive, expressive, dramatic
• Type 5 – The Investigator: Perceptive, innovative, secretive
• Type 6 – The Loyalist: Engaging, responsible, anxious
• Type 7 – The Enthusiast: Spontaneous, versatile, scattered
• Type 8 – The Challenger: Self-confident, decisive, confrontational
• Type 9 – The Peacemaker: Receptive, reassuring, complacent

If you’re a Type 2 (The Helper), one of the main ways you know how to and enjoy showing love is by helping others. However, if you have a partner who is Type 5 (The Investigator), you might find they are a bit resistant to your help, preferring to be independent and self-reliant.

Compatibility in the Enneagram is about balance and growth. It’s recognizing that while differences can be challenging, they help deepen our understanding and connections with people. A Type 1 (The Reformer) can learn to be more flexible from a Type 7 (The Enthusiast), while a Type 7 can benefit from the structure and discipline of a Type 1.

Factors Influencing Compatibility

Compatibility in a relationship, of course, goes beyond personality types. Several factors determine how compatible any two people are in a relationship.

Shared Values

Shared values are high on this list. When you and your partner have similar beliefs about what’s important in life—family, career ambitions, or social values—it creates a strong foundation for your relationship. Shared values make it easier to remember that you want the same things out of life whenever you go through a rocky patch. You don’t always have to agree with everything; you just have to understand and respect what matters most to each other.

Attraction

Another thing is attraction—whether it’s physical or intellectual, says Dr. Rostislav Ignatov, a board-certified psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer at The Haven Detox. While it’s not the only thing that matters, having a strong attraction to your partner can create chemistry and deepen your emotional connection. Similarly, intellectual compatibility can lead to stimulating conversations and a shared interest in learning from each other.

Communication

One of the biggest reasons many relationships fail is because of poor communication. Different personalities often have very distinct ways of expressing themselves and processing information. Some might be direct, while others prefer to be more nuanced. Understanding and adapting to each other’s communication styles can nip many fights in the bud. It’s much easier to navigate issues with someone who communicates similarly to you and is willing to work through conflicts together. 

Emotional Needs

Everyone also has emotional needs that can often be tied back to their personality type. Some people need frequent affirmations and physical affection. They usually want to see and feel how much you love them. For others, while affirmations may go unnoticed, acts of service mean the world to them. It’s about learning what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated and consistently meeting those needs.

Assessing Compatibility in Relationships

Figuring out how compatible you are with your partner isn’t difficult. Begin by having very open conversations about your core values. What really matters to each of you? Do you want to get married, have kids, or move countries? Depending on what you determine is most important, you might find that you are even more aligned than you imagined or discover areas to work on together.

Next, look at how you communicate. Do you feel heard and understood after talking to your partner? Do they feel heard? Any relationship is doomed to fail without effective and empathetic communication. In an argument, focus on what your partner is saying without planning your response. It can make a massive difference because we often plan rebuttals or comebacks in heated conversations, even before the other party has made their point.

It’s important to observe how you and your partner handle conflicts, disagreements, and difficult conversations. Do you listen to each other’s perspectives? Are you both willing to compromise and find a solution together? Or are you constantly at odds and struggling to communicate effectively? These can be good indicators of how compatible you are in handling challenges as a team, adds Dr. Ignatov.

Finally, consider your lifestyle and emotional needs. Are you both morning people, or does one of you love late nights? Do you show love through words, touch, or actions? Talk about your preferences exhaustively to find a balance that works for both of you.

Being with the right partner should bring out the best in you and make you feel supported and loved. Pay attention to how they make you feel—do they uplift and inspire you or bring stress and negativity into your life? Our feelings towards someone can be a good and strong indicator of compatibility, says Dr. Ignatov.

Navigating Challenges in Incompatible Relationships

Having different personalities doesn’t have to be a problem; being aware that you do can, instead, be an excellent opportunity to improve your relationship. 

"I think couples should strive to appreciate each other’s strengths and recognize that differences can be opportunities for growth rather than sources of conflict. For instance, if one partner is naturally more introverted and the other extroverted, they can find a balance by scheduling social activities that both enjoy, as well as respecting each other’s need for alone time," says Smith.

Active listening is a term you’ll hear a lot from us mental health professionals, and for good reason, says Dr. Ignatov. Active listening is a very effective communication tool, especially when navigating conflicts. It’s when we truly listen to understand rather than listening to respond. You really make the effort to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see things from their perspective. This can help bridge the gap between different personality types and create a deeper understanding and connection.

However, you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself and your well-being to make space for others. Set clear boundaries about the things that matter the most to you. Let your partner know if certain behaviors or habits make you want to pull your hair out, no matter how you try to compromise. Maybe you need quiet time after work, or your partner needs a heads-up before social events. Respecting each other’s needs helps reduce friction.