How to Maintain New Relationship Energy Even After the Honeymoon Phase

Sigh. Is there any feeling better than New Relationship Energy? We'll wait. Those emotions that happen when the stars align for you and your new boo, where the emotional connection is steadily intensifying, honestly can't be beat.

"New relationship energy usually refers to the intense excitement, euphoria, and almost electrical sensation typically experienced at the beginning of a romantic relationship," explains Kristin Papa, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of Living Openhearted Therapy and Wellness.

It's what makes you want to spend all your time with your new love. It’s why it might feel like your skin is buzzing and your heart is bursting whenever they are around. It’s all about those butterflies in your stomach and the conversations that stretch into the early hours of the morning.

 NRE is also an important part of a relationship because it helps foster the deep bond that sets the stage for a lasting connection. "It’s generally characterized by a heightened sense of emotions and attraction which can, at times, translate into increased physical and emotional intimacy," Papa explains.

As magical and intoxicating as this new relationship energy feels, it doesn’t last forever. As the relationship progresses, these emotions gradually wane and fade as reality sets in. Just because the shine has worn off doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your relationship. It’s not only normal–it’s completely expected!

Understanding NRE

New relationship energy emerges at the start of a romantic relationship. We experience a heightened sense of emotional and physical connection fueled by the mix of brain chemicals, such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, released when we fall in love.

These chemicals also impact the brain’s reward system, which is why spending time with your new partner feels so satisfying–and why you crave their presence so strongly.

So, what factors influence how we experience this new relationship energy? Kate Engler, LMFT, CST, a licensed couples and sex therapist at Three Points Relationships, explains that new relationship energy happens at the start of a relationship for a few different reasons. 

Novelty

"Everything about the person is new, which means it is novel and different than what we are used to. Our brains naturally get activated when we encounter new things—including new people," Engler says. 

Under normal circumstances, this mechanism helps protect us from danger. This works a little differently when we are falling in love.

"The brain chemicals that get activated to protect us from threat show up as a heightened sense of feelings and intensity," Engler explains. "It’s like feeling nervous-excited about riding a roller coaster vs. nervous-scared about taking a test."

The Brain’s Reward System

Physical and sexual chemistry help amplify feelings of new relationship energy. The brain’s reward system also plays a role in amplifying these feelings.

“Being newly in love also activates the brain’s reward systems in the same ways being high on drugs does, which is why NRE can feel so intoxicating and why some people approach it like a drug—they continually seek out that feeling and disengage when it goes away,” Engler says.

Increased Vulnerability

Engler also notes that certain parts of our brains become less active when we fall in love. “These are the parts related to critical judgment and the parts that distinguish another person’s thoughts/feelings/behaviors from our own,” she says. “This allows us to let our guard down and be vulnerable in a way we might not otherwise and increases the feeling of shared experience or “oneness.”

This change is natural, but understandably, it might be concerning or disheartening for some couples. You might worry that something is wrong, that you’re becoming bored with your relationship, or that you’ve lost the spark that made your relationship so great.

It’s important to remember that this transition doesn’t mean the passion is gone; instead, it can be an opportunity for your relationship to become closer, deeper, and even more meaningful. And while you might not feel like you’re caught up in that heady whirlwind of emotions, you can take steps to keep the energy that made the early days of your relationship feel so special.

How Do These Feelings Affect Us?

New relationship energy is typically a great thing. It feels good and helps us forge satisfying relationships. When you are in this phase of a relationship, you’ll experience heightened feelings of happiness, contentment, and well-being. That rush of chemicals that help you fall in love also boosts your mood, increases your energy levels, and enhances your overall well-being.

All this good energy can have a positive impact on your relationship, too. Couples who experience a lot of this energy are often more affectionate and communicative. They also spend more time together, which can help foster a closer emotional bond and a strong sense of mutual understanding. That intense desire to know the other person also leads to a stronger sense of empathy, concern, and care, which can help lay a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.

That's why it's important to try to balance that new relationship energy with a healthy dose of realism. Try to remember that the strong emotions that characterize this phase of your relationship will temper with time.

Managing New Relationship Energy

To navigate new relationship energy in a healthy and balanced way, you’ll need to focus on self-awareness, communication, and intentionality. The rush of emotions you are experiencing is thrilling, but being thoughtful about how you respond to your feelings can help ensure that the foundation you are laying is sustainable for the long term. Strategies that can help you manage this new relationship energy include the following:

Set Clear Boundaries

It’s easy to get swept up in the flood of feelings that make you want to spend every waking moment with your new partner. Papa suggests that boundaries can be key, which also involves investing time in your other relationships with friends and family. "It can also be helpful to gradually integrate your new partner into your existing life rather than completely reorganizing around them," she says.

Make an intentional effort to make time for your existing relationships, commitments, and obligations. Carving out space for other things ensures you don’t let those parts of your life fall by the wayside. It also helps you maintain your personal space and individuality without letting the relationship become all-consuming.

Communicate Your Needs

When you’re caught up in that new relationship energy, it sometimes means you might ignore your own wants, needs, and concerns to keep your new partner happy. Talking about your feelings and expectations is important, so don’t be afraid to bring up the things on your mind—both the good and the bad. 

"One strategy to manage new relationship energy can be to discuss the pace of the relationship with your partner and express your desires and expectations openly so you both can understand each other’s needs and wants. Starting a relationship based on open and honest communication can allow you to develop a strong foundation for the relationship," says Kristin Papa, LCSW

Open communication at this early point helps set the stage for the future of your relationship. Transparency can foster greater intimacy, trust, and understanding. Setting clear expectations at the outset can help ensure that neither of you feels blindsided or disappointed as your relationship matures and evolves.

Manage Expectations

Everything may feel perfect when you’re caught up in this new relationship energy. But it’s important to remember that no matter how great things seem, no relationship is free from challenges.  

Being realistic from the outset and making a conscious effort not to ignore potential red flags and dealbreakers can ensure that these are just normal minor irritations that all couples deal with, not major issues that signal long-term problems in your relationship. 

Remind yourself that disagreements are part of every relationship. No one is perfect, but learning to embrace imperfections and see them as a way to strengthen your connection can help you build a strong bond as your relationship progresses.

Embrace the Energy

New relationship energy is a special part of a relationship, so one of the best things you can do during this time is to embrace and enjoy it. It’s ephemeral by nature, so let yourself savor the experience of getting to know this person and all the feelings and experiences that come with falling in love.

Common Mistakes and Challenges

While it’s important to savor the experience, it’s also important to keep an eye on potential pitfalls and challenges you might face during this stage. Spotting these problems can help you navigate them more successfully and prevent them from creating relationship roadblocks.

After all, there's a reason why it's called the honeymoon phase. Everything is new and exciting. But we’re sometimes so enamored that we miss out on glaring red flags and warnings.

Some challenges you might face include:

• Poor judgment: Because your emotions are so strong, they can sometimes cloud your judgment. You might make choices you might not under normal conditions. 
• Idealization: NRE sometimes causes us to put on rose-colored glasses. This means you might overlook potential incompatibilities. Or, you might ignore red flags at the start of the relationship, only to realize later that warning signs that your partner doesn’t share your goals or values.
• Lack of balance: Because you’re so focused on your new relationship during this stage, you might pay less attention to other important areas of your life, including friendships, hobbies, and self-care. 
• Unrealistic expectations: It can also contribute to unrealistic expectations. Because the early days of your relationship were so blissful and passionate, you might expect things to stay that way forever. This can lead to bitter disappointment as the relationship progresses past the honeymoon phase.

• Moving too fast: NRE can be intoxicating, so you might rush through major relationship milestones–like meeting each other’s families, making big financial commitments, or moving in together–before you’re actually ready. That’s why boundaries, communication, and intentionality are so important at this stage to ensure that each major step in your relationship is taken with both of your consent.
• Loss of individuality: A new relationship can sometimes become so all-consuming that you start to lose sight of yourself as an individual. If you start to notice that you’re spending less time on the things that make you you, it’s important to take steps to nurture your own independence and autonomy.

Healthy relationships are rooted in interdependence. People recognize the value of their emotional bond while maintaining a strong sense of self. They know they each bring something valuable to the relationship but don't feel they must sacrifice their individuality or values.

Balancing NRE and Long-Term Commitments

At the start of a relationship, we are often very intentional about how we approach the relationship. Engler notes this means giving our partners all of our attention. "We set our phones down when we talk, we plan fun date nights, we’re curious about each other—this all helps foster the NRE," she says.

This tends to change once the relationship becomes safe and secure. Brain chemicals settle down, and we may start to take our partner for granted. That's when those intense feelings of NRE begin to fizzle and fade. 

Research suggests it is often the normal grind of daily life that wears on this new relationship energy. Boredom, stress, and daily life demands can challenge your bond. This can make keeping that honeymoon phase energy hard to maintain–and it might even lead to conflicts and other relationship issues.

So what can you do to maintain that new relationship energy even after that blissful NRE phase matures into something deeper and more lasting? The good news is that you don’t have to choose between passion and stability.

The following steps can help you keep the relationship feeling fresh and exciting no matter how long you’ve been together:

Bring Novelty to Your Relationship

Your relationship doesn't have to get stale or boring–the key is to keep seeking new experiences together. "Couples can try new activities together, plan surprise dates or gestures, as well as explore new places as a couple,” Papa suggests. "This also allows couples to infuse their relationship with playfulness and fun, which can be an important aspect of new relationship energy."

Novel activities don't have to be wild adventures, Engler explains. Sometimes, it's just a change of scenery or a break in your usual routine, like eating dinner on the front porch or finding a new show to watch together.

Seek Quality Time Together

A huge part of that new relationship energy involves wanting to spend time together. As time passes, the obligations and stresses of life sometimes get in the way. Papa says that finding opportunities to connect is important.

"Couples that prioritize physical and emotional intimacy and intentionally create connection increase the chances of maintaining the new relationship energy," she explains. Ways you can do this, she suggests, include having regularly scheduled date nights and taking the time to talk to each other openly and honestly about your needs and desires.

Stay Curious and Communicate

Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. In fact, evidence indicates that having strong communication abilities can be an effective way to boost relationship intimacy.

"Part of what’s exciting in the beginning is getting to learn about someone—it’s part of that heightened sensations element of NRE," Engler says. As we become more comfortable with our partners, we sometimes feel like we know everything about them.

No matter how well you know one another, everyone changes with time, so there are always new things to learn and share. There are a variety of tools that can help you learn more about your partner. Engler recommends {THE AND} Couples Edition, an intimacy-boosting card game.

Be Vulnerable

Engler explains that vulnerability can foster connection, which also help reignite new relationship energy. Relationship games can be a great way to spark deeper conversations. Engler also suggest that the famous "36 questions to fall in love" developed by Dr. Arthur Arons can be a helpful tool.

Appreciate Your Partner

Time can sometimes make us take the little things for granted. You can maintain new relationship energy by intentionally expressing gratitude and appreciation for the things you love about your partner.

One study found that seeing and understanding your partner's gratitude can powerfully impact relationship satisfaction. When people feel like their partner appreciates them, they feel more satisfied with the relationship.

Make New Couple Friends

Couple friends can be a great source of support, but Engler notes that they can also help strengthen your relationship with your partner. She points to research from the University of Georgia showing that couples who have more couple friends tend to be more satisfied in their relationship.

"Spending time with other couple friends helped people to feel more fondly about their own partners because they get to see them in a different way," she explains.

Keep in Mind

The new relationship energy that is the hallmark of the beginning of a relationship can be almost addictive, but it’s normal for those feelings to shift into a more mature, committed type of love over time. That doesn’t mean you can keep some of those fresh feelings going, even if you’ve been together for a long time.

Mental health experts suggest that you can do things to keep the flames of love burning brightly, including seeking novelty, appreciating your partner, and being vulnerable. 

Remember, the greatest relationships are built on excitement and stability. So embrace the best of both worlds by building a trusting relationship that retains some of that new relationship energy.

It’s normal for your relationship to change over time. There may be days when things feel fresh and exciting, but there will also be times when you feel tired, annoyed, or bored. That’s normal. The key is to keep changing and growing along with your relationship so your bond stays strong through life's shifting stages.