Ludus Love: The Playful Side of Affection

When we meet someone we’re crushing on, we tend to tease, joke, and banter with them. We play cat-and-mouse games with them, chasing them and playing hard to get at the same time. It’s all super fun and exciting, as we flirt with them and wonder who will make a move first.

According to the Love Attitudes Scale, which categorizes love into six types, this type of love is known as Ludus love. Ludus comes from the Latin word for play or game. In turn, Ludus love refers to playful, fun, or game-like love.

“Ludus love is casual, flirtatious, and uncommitted,” says Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist, relationship coach, and developer of “Your Happiness Hypothesis.”

“It is typically seen in the beginning of a relationship or in casual dating,” says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

Read on to explore the characteristics, psychology, and importance of Ludus love. We also ask the experts how to practice it in modern relationships.

Characteristics of Ludus Love

These are some of the characteristics of Ludus love:

• Playful: Ludus love is playful, lighthearted, and carefree. It involves teasing, joking, flirting, and bantering. It often feels like a game to be played.
• Fun: Ludus love is about having fun and enjoying the present moment.
• Casual: Ludus love tends to be more casual than some of the other types of love. It typically doesn’t involve any serious emotional involvement.
• Spontaneous: Ludus love is about spontaneity and the thrill of unexpected encounters and exciting surprises.
• Uncommitted: Ludus love generally doesn’t involve any type of commitment. The idea is to enjoy the present, without thinking about the future or making any promises.
• Polyamorous: Ludus love tends not to be exclusive. Partners are often open to dating multiple people.
  

Psychological Aspects of Ludus Love

We asked the relationship experts to help us unpack some of the psychological aspects of Ludus love:

• Past trauma: People who have faced negative or traumatic experiences in the past may adopt Ludus love as a coping mechanism. Keeping relationships casual and playful may be a way to avoid potential hurt or disappointment.
• Low emotional intensity: Ludus love is typically characterized by a lack of emotional intensity. People in Ludus relationships are often emotionally distant and prefer to keep all their interactions in the safe zone, without wading into emotionally deep waters, Silva explains.
• Avoidant attachment: People with an avoidant attachment style may be drawn to Ludus love as a way to maintain a degree of emotional distance from their partners.
• Fear of commitment: People who engage in Ludus love are often commitment-phobic and have a history of dating casually, says Silva. “This fear of commitment is masked by over-compensatory flirting and playfulness.”
• Self-focused orientation: Ludus love tends to be more self-focused. The idea is to simply imbibe in the present moment through a childlike sense of self-indulgence, says de Llano.

Ludus Love vs. Other Types of Love

This is how Ludus love compares to the other types of love:

• Eros love: Eros love is passionate and intense. Unlike Ludus love's playful and casual nature, Eros seeks deep emotional connection and fervent romantic passion.
• Pragma love: Pragma love is practical and seeks compatibility for a long-term, stable relationship. By contrast, Ludus focuses on enjoying the excitement of the present moment, without any thought of long-term commitment.
• Mania love: Mania love is characterized by obsession, possessiveness, and a deep fear of abandonment. In contrast, Ludus love emphasizes light-hearted interactions and a reluctance toward any emotional involvement.
• Storge love: Storge love, which is rooted in familiarity and affection, is often associated with family bonds. While Storge is characterized by natural and comfortable familial affection, Ludus seeks novelty and spontaneity with multiple romantic partners.
• Agape love: Agape love is selfless and altruistic, characterized by unconditional care and compassion for others. In contrast to Ludus's self-centered and self-indulgent enjoyment, Agape is more about putting others' needs before one's own and giving selflessly.

Societal Perception of Ludus Love

Societal perceptions of Ludus love can vary widely based on cultural, social, and individual factors.

For example, Ludus love may be considered more acceptable in societies that are open to casual dating, non-traditional relationship structures, and ethical non-monogamy.

On the flip side, more conservative or traditional societies might view Ludus love as shallow or lacking in commitment, particularly if marriage, monogamy, and stability are highly valued.

Societal perceptions of Ludus love can also vary based on gender, due to deep-seated gender biases. For example, a guy who has multiple casual partners is patted on the back and heralded as a “player.” However, a woman in the same position might experience slut-shaming.

The Role and Importance of Ludus Love

Ludus love plays an important role in the spectrum of human relationships:

• Humor: Ludus love emphasizes the importance of light-hearted fun, humor, and happiness in relationships. Laughter and joy help us combat stress, anxiety, and depression.
• Flexibility: Ludus love encourages spontaneity and flexibility. It embraces the unexpected and teaches us to go with the flow, wherever it may lead.
• Social finesse: Flirting, teasing, and bantering require a certain degree of social finesse. Ludus love helps us practice and develop our social skills.
• Independence: While traditional relationship structures foster a high degree of co-dependence, Ludus love encourages us to maintain our independent identities within relationships. By promoting self-expression, personal growth, and a sense of autonomy, it fosters a healthy balance between individuality and connection.
• Exploration: Ludus love gives us the opportunity to explore different connections and experiences without the immediate pressure of commitment.
• Unconventional relationships: Ludus love challenges traditional societal expectations around relationships. It offers an alternative to more conventional approaches, allowing us to create relationships that align with our personal preferences and values.

Practicing Ludus Love in Modern Relationships

Whether you’re casually dating people, just flirting with someone you have a crush on, or in a long-term committed relationship, you can add elements of Ludus love to your relationships. Here’s how:

• Be playful: Engage in playful jokes, teasing, and banter with your partner. A little humor can often go a long way in making the relationship feel light and fun.
• Compliment your partner: Flirt with your partner and make it a point to compliment them. Give them unique compliments that show them you see them.
• Plan surprises: Surprise your partner with a fun date, activity, meal, trip, or present.
• Be spontaneous: Do spontaneous things with your partner every now and then, to keep things exciting.
• Enjoy the moment: Focus on enjoying the present moment rather than worrying about the future.
• Encourage independence: Instead of falling into codependent patterns, encourage each other's independence within the relationship. Make room for individual goals and pursuits.
• Be honest about what you want: Be honest with your partner about what you want. Don’t mislead them or make promises you don’t intend to keep.
  

Parting Words

Ludus love’s commitment-free, happy-go-lucky nature challenges traditional notions of what relationships should be. It gives us a chance to explore different connections, while having fun along the way.

While Ludus love may not be suitable for everyone or in every circumstance, we can certainly draw inspiration from its playful, spontaneous, and lighthearted nature, no matter what type of relationship we’re in.