How to Nurture Eros Love in Your Relationships

Eros can be defined as a passionate love, longing and sensual desire. Amongst storge, philia, and agape, it forms the four types of love defined by the ancient Greeks within ancient Greek philosophy.

This article will seek to discuss the role of eros love within relationships, explore its characteristics and real-life examples, as well as its impact and practical tips for fostering it.

Introduction to Eros Love

In Ancient Greek philosophy, love was attributed and categorized into four main, distinct types — storge, philia, agape, and eros. Unlike in modern times, when the concept of “love” is used to embody a multitude of meanings, each of these four main categories is a pillar of what constitutes love.

Early understandings of eros love, specifically, generally likened it to a kind of madness or theia mania (madness from the gods). However, following the emergence of Plotinus (204–270 CE) and other Neoplatonist philosophers, it began to be described as “the single force” that motivated all life and was the key to creation and development.

Thus, eros was also personified within Greek mythology as the God of love and, in early legends, the firstborn light, responsible for the “fertile and creative coming into being and ordering of all things in the cosmos.”

The Romantic, Sensual Form of Love

As mentioned above, eros love is a profound and intense affection characterized by desire, longing, and physical attraction.

“It is the type of love that ignites sparks between individuals, drawing them together in a whirlwind of emotions and sensuality,” says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC Neuropsychologist and Director of Comprehend the Mind. Eros, therefore, refers explicitly to a romantic, sensual, and passionate type of love — and it is from which the term erotic is derived.

In contrast, storge refers to familial love (such as that of a parent), philia describes the love garnered from friendship, and agape to unconditional or selfless love (traditionally to God).

Characteristics of Eros Love

While eros love can be characterized by various main traits, Sarah Jeffries, MSc, mental health first aid trainer at Mental Health First Aid Course, lists the following:

• Intensity: Eros is marked by a strong, passionate desire and longing for the other person. This also includes experiencing an intense attraction to the other person and a strong desire for closeness.
• Physical Attraction: Eros often begins with physical attraction and physical intimacy. It can also be driven by beauty and the desire for physical intimacy.
• Idealization: Individuals may idealize their partners, seeing them through a ‘rose-colored glasses’ perspective.
• Urgency: There is often a sense of urgency or immediacy in the desire for connection and intimacy.
• Emotional Involvement: Despite its physical beginnings, eros can involve deep emotional connections, with partners feeling profoundly moved and affected by their relationship.

In addition to being described as pertaining to intense physical and emotional attraction, eros love is also based on mutual appreciation, respect, and understanding. “It seeks to fulfill all aspects of the relationship: physically, emotionally, and spiritually,” says Bayu Prihandito, certified psychology consultant, life coach, and Founder at Life Architekture.

Real-life Examples of Eros Love

Many examples can be given to show the unpredictability, surprise, and spontaneity of eros love. “You may meet someone unexpectedly, let’s say at a bookstore, and as random as it is, it leads to hours of conversation, flowing naturally, which eventually turns into a deep relationship,” says Prihandito.

“Another example could be two strangers on a train seated next to each other, where, instead of ignoring each other as most people do, they start a casual conversation, share their stories, snacks, and laughter, ending up losing track of time and finding a deep attraction to each other by the time the train arrives,” he adds.

People looking for examples of eros love can also find real-life examples in mainstream culture, moments referenced in film and TV, and in literature. “Think of romantic novels and films, where two people can meet in one moment and after that feel a strong and overwhelming draw toward one another that compels them to pursue a relationship with each other despite any obstacles that may stand in their way,” says Jeffries.

In addition to these, Hafeez also outlines the following common examples of eros love that people often overlook:

1. High school sweethearts: A classic example of eros love is the teenage couple who experiences intense attraction and desire for each other. They may spend hours talking on the phone, stealing kisses between classes, and feeling an overwhelming sense of infatuation and passion.
2. Newlyweds: Newly married couples often exemplify eros love as they navigate the initial stages of their relationship. They may express their love through romantic gestures, frequent displays of affection, and an insatiable desire to be close to each other.
3. Long-term partners rekindling their romance: Even in long-term relationships, couples can experience eros love. For example, partners who have been together for many years may reignite their passion through romantic dates, spontaneous gestures, and intimate moments, reminding each other of the intense attraction and desire they share.

Impact of Eros Love on Relationships

While all relationships will naturally ebb and flow in passion occasionally, eros love can be incredibly beneficial in many ways. “First, it helps people form deep emotional bonds and act as the nucleus of permanent relationships,” says Jeffries. This is beneficial as the feeling of it can considerably enrich the sexual life of the couple, as well as the general emotional bond between them.

“The dark side of eros love is that, if a relationship lacks other forms of love expanding it, it is less likely to withstand the test of time because the intensity of one’s feelings will diminish anyway,” she adds. Nevertheless, this shouldn’t be seen as an inescapable trait of eros love. After all, it is perfectly possible to enter a healthy relationship dynamic with it involved.

In addition, eros love can enhance a person’s well-being. “Eros love has been linked to improved mental and physical well-being, including reduced stress levels, increased feelings of happiness, and even better immune function due to the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin,” says Hafeez.

Regarding relationship satisfaction, couples experiencing eros love often report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and closeness as they share intimate moments and build strong emotional bonds. “Eros love can also influence individuals’ decision-making processes, leading them to prioritize their partner’s needs and desires above their own in some cases,” she adds. This can impact career choices, financial decisions, and lifestyle preferences.

The Role of Eros Love in Personal Growth

Eros love can also be beneficial for personal growth. It helps with making connections and bonding, aids in initiating relationships, provides motivation for commitment, and supplies emotional commitment. Additionally, it is key to building strong emotional connections through mutual growth.

Practical Tips for Fostering Eros Love

So now that the benefits of eros love have been explained, how exactly can you foster it? Well, while there are no concrete steps to follow, Hafeez recommends doing the following:

1. Prioritize intimacy: Make time for intimate moments with your partner, whether it’s through physical affection, deep conversations, or shared experiences that enhance emotional closeness.
2. Keep the romance alive: Plan romantic gestures and surprises to keep the spark alive in your relationship. This could include date nights, love letters, thoughtful gifts, or spontaneous acts of affection.
3. Communicate openly: Maintain open and honest communication with your partner about your desires, needs, and feelings. This allows you to deepen your emotional connection and better understand each other’s perspectives.
4. Explore shared interests: Discover new activities or hobbies that you both enjoy and engage in together. Sharing experiences and creating memories strengthens the bond between partners.
5. Embrace spontaneity: Be open to spontaneous moments of passion and excitement in your relationship. These unexpected gestures can reignite the flame of eros love and keep the relationship feeling fresh and dynamic.

Keep in Mind

While eros love may be mistaken for “young love” or “puppy love,” eros as a concept defines a love that runs far deeper. As Prihandito states, “eros love is more than just understanding and appreciating the physical aspects of a relationship; it also gives space to focus on the emotional and spiritual level of each partner as a whole.” Therefore, it is an important type of love to cultivate and foster.