How to Make Friends When You Have Social Anxiety

Making friends can be tough for anyone, but it can be particularly challenging for those with social anxiety disorder ​(SAD). SAD causes feelings of extreme nervousness and self-consciousness in social situations. This often leads to the avoidance of these events, which can make it difficult to form and maintain friendships.

Some people living with SAD may think "I have no friends," but not know how to change this. Fortunately, many strategies exist for making friends (even as an introvert with social anxiety), broadening one's social circle, and building fulfilling relationships. Here are several to consider.

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Fight Negative Thinking

Negative thinking can make social anxiety worse. It can also make it more difficult to make friends. Examples of negative thoughts include thinking that no one is interested in what we have to say, overanalyzing other people's words and actions, and always assuming the worst.

Cognitive reframing is one strategy that can help change these thoughts. This process helps people learn to recognize thought distortions, adjust their mindset, and see things in a more optimistic way.

Set Small Goals

Trying to jump in and forge new friendships can feel overwhelming to people with social anxiety. To reduce the overwhelm, start by setting smaller goals, then take little steps toward them.

Small goals that can result in the creation of new friendships might include:

• Smiling at a stranger
• Exchanging pleasantries with a cashier at the grocery store
• Making eye contact and waving at a neighbor
• Texting a current acquaintance or friend to say hello
  

Practice Social Skills

When working toward making new friends, it can also be helpful to learn and practice social skills. A higher level of social skills is associated with lower levels of social anxiety. Developing social skills can also make interacting with and meeting others easier. 

Skills that can help include those related to open body language and learning how to make small talk with new acquaintances. Rehearsing these conversations and having a list of small talk topics can lead to greater comfortability in casual interactions.

Not every encounter will result in the making of a new friend. However, each interaction provides an opportunity to practice smiling, chatting, and other social skills. It also gives us the chance to practice managing the anxiety that these interactions can cause.

Meet New People

Finding friendships requires being open to opportunities to meet and get to know new people. During this process, it's also important to recognize that first impressions aren't necessarily the best indicators of who could become a long-term friend.

When looking for potential friends, a good place to start is with our own interests. We could join a club or organization that we'd enjoy, for example, and connect with members there. This enables us to be involved with things we're passionate about while connecting with others.

Other ways to meet new people include:

• Asking a neighbor or coworker to lunch
• Joining a book club at the library
• Volunteering at a local non-profit
• Connecting with other parents at a child's school

Online apps such as Meetup and Bumble can also be useful for finding new friends. Such apps can be particularly appealing to people with social anxiety because they allow them to get to know the other person before meeting in person.

Say Yes to Invitations

When invited to spend time with others, someone with social anxiety benefits from doing their best not to turn the invitation down. Saying yes helps show a level of interest in developing the relationship. It also signifies a willingness to make the effort needed to strengthen the friendship and help it grow.

By the same token, don't always expect the other person to make all the plans. Though making plans can be a challenging task for people with social anxiety, it is important to show people that we are interested in them and want to get together. Start small by asking them to meet for coffee, visit a local bookstore, or go shopping together.

Stay in Touch

Once we've begun to form friendships, it is important to stay in touch. This requires getting contact information for the people we meet, whether it's their cell phone number or a link to their social media pages.

Over time, we will come to learn how often certain people stay in touch. It's up to us to do our part to contact our new friends and make plans. Talking to each other in person or on the phone can be important, but staying in touch can also involve sending a text or sharing a post on social media.

Talk With a Therapist

Making friends takes time. But for people who feel that they can't meet new people or that the idea of even trying is too frightening or overwhelming, it may be a good idea to consult a therapist.

Treating social anxiety disorder can make it easier to relax and enjoy being around others more. Once the social anxiety is under control, it also becomes easier to approach new people and start developing friendships.