How Depression Can Impact Family Members

Depression is one of the most common mental health disorders in America, affecting 21 million adults and five million teens annually. But people with this condition aren’t the only ones impacted. Family members are affected as well.

When we have a family member who is dealing with depression, it's helpful to understand how this affects the entire family unit and the relationships within it. It's also beneficial to know how to help loved ones with depression while still looking after ourselves.

Recognizing Depression in Family Members

Sometimes depression is present in our families without us recognizing exactly what it is. Symptoms of depression can show up in subtle ways (which is why it's often referred to as an invisible illness). These symptoms leave the door open for misunderstandings.

Signs that a family member may be experiencing depression can include:

• A messy room
• Unwashed clothes
• Skipping meals
• Canceling plans
• Spending all day in bed

For loved ones, such behaviors may seem bewildering or even aggravating. Friends might wonder why they're suddenly being avoided. A spouse might get angry that their partner isn't doing their share around the house. Children might be frustrated that a parent doesn’t have the energy to play with them.

Recognizing when a loved one may be dealing with depression is the first step to getting them treatment. It's also important to understand that their symptoms may make it more difficult for them to pursue the help they need. For example, guilt and shame are common symptoms of depression. If a family member feels that they are somehow disappointing the people they love, it can make these feelings worse.

Caregiver Responses to Family Depression

Family members often take on a caretaker role when someone they love has depression. Some feel that they should be able to “fix” the situation and help the depression symptoms go away. When they can't, this can lead to caregiver stress.

Family members may also worry that they did something to cause the depression. But it’s important to know that depression is influenced by a variety of factors, including genetics, biology, and environment. There may be things that we as family members can do to help, but we alone aren’t responsible for causing or treating this condition.

Some family members experience feelings of fear, anxiety, and powerlessness. Anger and irritation can also occur, which can then lead to feelings of guilt and shame for getting upset with a relative with depression.

Recognizing these responses is important because how family members react can have an impact on depression treatment outcomes. When families are knowledgeable about this condition and actively involved in the treatment plan, for example, patients have improved outcomes, fewer depression symptoms, and better recovery.

Impacts of Depression on Family Life

A person with depression may not have the energy or motivation to manage many aspects of daily living. Sometimes just getting out of bed is a challenge, so tasks such as doing laundry, cooking, and driving to appointments can feel overwhelming. This can have an impact on other members of the household.

Some of the effects of depression on family life might include:

• Other members of the family may try to help out by taking over duties that the person with depression is having trouble doing. 
• Certain tasks may end up getting displaced onto children.
• Some things may simply not get done, which can generate even more stress.

In some cases, members of the family may not fully understand what the person with depression is going through. While they may see the effects of the depression symptoms, it may be difficult for them to understand what is causing those symptoms to occur. Some may even become resentful because they feel like they are doing too much while others feel guilty that they aren't doing enough to help.

How Family Member Depression Affects Relationships

Symptoms of depression can sometimes be hard to interpret, leaving an opening for misunderstandings within familial relationships. Social withdrawal may be misconstrued as a lack of interest, for example. Irritability might be misinterpreted as being angry with the person it is directed toward.

Other symptoms that may not be recognized as depression and, therefore, potentially cause conflict or friction within families include: 

• Sleeping too much or too little
• Having trouble concentrating
• Loss of interest or no longer enjoying things they used to love
• Having a short temper
• Little energy to do anything

Symptoms of irritability, fatigue, and social withdrawal are just as easy to misinterpret. Because people don’t always understand what is causing the behaviors they’re seeing, they may pull away from the person. This not only damages family relationships but can also lead to further isolation for the individual with depression.

How Family Depression Affects Children

There is evidence that growing up with a parent or caregiver with depression can impact a child’s mental health and well-being. This condition can also influence many different aspects of parenting, including how caregivers interact with their kids.

Potential effects of parental depression on children include:

• Infants may cry more frequently or at a greater intensity if their mother has depression.
• Children may experience more behavioral issues.
• Signs of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are more likely.
• Children are more likely to exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety disorders.
• Parental depression may contribute to higher substance abuse rates among adolescent children, poorer social relationships, and worse academic performance.

What to Do If a Family Member Has Depression

Taking certain steps can help ease some of the effects of depression on the family. 

Talk to a Healthcare Provider

The first step in starting the treatment process is to talk with a healthcare professional. This care provider can assess the family member's symptoms, diagnose the condition, recommend treatment options, or refer them to a mental health professional for further evaluation and treatment.

Effective depression treatments are available. They often involve taking medication, engaging in psychotherapy, or a combination of the two.

Focus on Family Well-Being

Even if only one person in the family has depression, it's important to think about the entire family‘s well-being as a whole. Watch for signs that other members might need help so intervention can take place early if needed. It may also be helpful to consider family therapy.

Find Support

Depression can be an isolating illness that leads people to withdraw from friends, family, and loved ones. Yet, having adequate social support is an important part of recovery. Whether it's a good friend or counselor, this type of support can make it easier to cope with depression symptoms and ease family strain.

For people with depression, it’s important to remember that family can be a source of care, comfort, and support. Parents, siblings, and other close family members can serve as caregivers, are instrumental in spotting signs of serious issues, and contribute to an environment that aids in recovery.

How Family Members Can Help With Depression

If someone in our family has depression, there are also things that we can do to help that person with their depression and minimize the negative impacts on the family as a whole.

Learn More About Depression 

Sometimes well-meaning family members suggest that the person should just “snap out of it” without understanding the complex forces that cause depression. Gaining an understanding of the symptoms, causes, and treatments for depression can provide a better idea of what the loved one is going through.

Learning more about the illness also helps family members respond in ways that are more helpful and empathetic. Family attitudes toward treatment even play a role in recovery outcomes. For example, people with family members who have a positive attitude toward antidepressant medications may be more likely to stick to their prescription regimen.

Take Care of Yourself

Sometimes when people take on a caretaker role, they begin to neglect their own well-being. It’s important to remember, however, that in order to care for a family member, we need to first take care of ourselves.

Practicing self-care involves:

• Getting plenty of sleep
• Eating healthy foods
• Exercising regularly
• Doing things that bring enjoyment
• Looking after our own mental health

Enlist Help

Caregivers also benefit from creating a network of people who can offer social and emotional support. This might involve joining a support group, talking to a counselor, or having friends who can offer support and understanding.

Surrounding ourselves with people we can go to when we're working hard to help family members with depression helps us feel less alone. It also takes some of the responsibilities off our to-do lists, enlisting others to help lighten our loads.