Sibling Sexual Abuse Facts Caregivers Should Know

Although sibling sexual abuse is a commonly-occurring form of childhood sexual abuse, it tends to be less discussed. Some parents try to explain it away as normal childhood curiosity, but it's a harmful form of control that can leave victims feeling frightened and alone.

If you're a parent or guardian, it's important to learn the facts about sibling sexual abuse and the signs to watch for. We also discuss the risk factors, impact, and steps you can take to prevent this type of abuse, as well as how to respond if you suspect that sibling sexual abuse has occurred.

Facts About Sibling Sexual Abuse

Here are some facts about sexual abuse between siblings that it is important to know.

Sibling Sexual Abuse is Common

Sexual abuse among siblings happens more frequently than most people realize. Some research suggests that it is the most common form of child sexual abuse. It is estimated that sexual abuse perpetrated by a sibling may occur up to three times as often as sexual abuse by a parent.

Sibling sexual abuse is also not limited to certain types of families—it can happen in many different kinds of households. Siblings can be biological or they may be adopted, foster, stepchildren, or other non-related children residing in the same home.

Sibling Sexual Abuse Is Underreported

It is difficult to determine the true prevalence of sibling sexual abuse since it often goes unreported, for several reasons. Some of the reasons that the victim may not report sexual abuse by a sibling include:

• Fearing that they will be blamed, punished, or not believed
• Being afraid of the offending sibling
• Not identifying the abuse as an act of aggression
• Not wanting to upset their parents or get their sibling in trouble
• Not wanting anyone else to know about the abuse

In some cases, the victimized sibling does go to a parent and it is the parent who fails to report the abuse to authorities. Reasons for this failure to report include:

• Not believing that the actions were harmful
• Believing that the behaviors were consensual
• Dismissing the behaviors as normal childhood sexual explorations
• Not wanting to believe that their child could be sexually abusive (a defense mechanism of denial)

There's a Difference Between Sexual Curiosity and Abuse

Some brush off sexual abuse committed by a sibling as the offending sibling's harmless curiosity about or exploration of sexual behaviors. This is exacerbated by the fact that sibling sexual abuse is not well-defined.

Some define sibling sexual abuse as violent and non-violent sexual behaviors occurring between children who've been raised together that cause sexual, physical, and emotional harm. These behaviors range from non-contact activities, such as encouraging a sibling to act inappropriately sexually, to penetration by force.

Yet, there's a difference between sexual curiosity and sexual abuse, which is more clearly addressed by other definitions. One such definition of sibling sexual abuse is "sexual behavior between siblings that is not age appropriate, not transitory and not motivated by developmentally appropriate curiosity."

Sibling Sexual Abuse Is About Power

Research indicates that misuse of power is present in most sibling sexual abuse cases. When thinking of power, someone in a parent role may be the first to come to mind. But siblings can be in a position of power as well, often by being older in age or more advanced developmentally.

Offending siblings may then use this power to satisfy themselves, regardless of the impact of the sexual trauma on their younger or less developmentally-advanced family members.

Offenders Are Often Older Male Siblings, But Not Always

In most sibling sexual abuse cases, the perpetrator is an older brother with the victim being a younger sister. Although, this isn't always the case, making it important to understand that sexual abuse can and does occur between all types of siblings, regardless of age differences or gender.

Because a majority of sexual offenders are male, it can be difficult to think of a sexual offender being female. Yet, one study on sexual abuse of young adolescents found that 21.7% of minors were victimized by a female offender.

Signs of Sibling Sexual Abuse

Recognizing the signs of sibling sexual abuse is critical to addressing this issue, especially when so many victims fail to disclose. In some cases, the signs are physical, including the child reporting abdominal pain with no known cause, genital pain or bleeding, reoccurring urinary tract infections, or incontinence.

Other times, signs of sexual abuse are more behavioral. The following actions may suggest that a minor child has been sexually abused by a sibling:

• Engaging in sexual behaviors, talking about sex, or having sexual knowledge that is inappropriate for their age
• Not talking as much as they usually do or spending more time alone
• Not wanting to be left alone with their sibling, especially if they used to love spending time with them
• Regressive behaviors, including bedwetting or sucking their thumb
• Not wanting their clothes removed to change or bathe
• Changes in their eating habits
• Mood changes, such as increased aggressiveness, worry, or fear
• Decreases in their self-confidence
• Increases in their anxiety or depression, or a loss of interest in their friends or activities they once enjoyed
• Experiencing nightmares or not wanting to be alone at night
• Expressing suicidal thoughts or behaviors or engaging in self-harm

Risk Factors for Sibling Sexual Abuse

Because kids don't often report sibling sexual abuse and parents may dismiss, deny, or overlook it, it is difficult for psychologists and other experts to fully understand why it happens and what factors contribute to this type of abuse.

Some factors that may influence or increase the risk of sibling sexual abuse include:

• Age differences: Abuse may be more likely when there is an age gap of at least two years between the siblings. This age difference creates a power imbalance.
• Abuse of responsibility: Some kids who are placed in a position of responsibility for younger children lack the ability to manage their behaviors and abuse this imbalanced power dynamic.
• Previous sexual abuse: Children who've been abused are more likely to engage in intrusive sexual behaviors and may be more likely to perpetrate sibling sexual abuse or to be abused by a sibling.
• Neglect: Kids who are neglected by caregivers may be more likely to engage in sexual activities. Lack of adult supervision and care can contribute to kids seeking contact with others to address unmet emotional needs. Unsupervised kids may also be more likely to come into contact with pornographic materials.
• Lack of sex education: Children who lack age-appropriate sex education may be more likely to be abused or to perpetrate sexual abuse.

Preventing Sibling Sexual Abuse

Giving your children the care and attention they need can help prevent sibling sexual abuse. Some steps you can take to reduce the risk include:

• Make sure your children are properly supervised: Always make sure your kids are supervised by a responsible person, whether they are at school, at home, or in another setting.
• Talk to your children: Set aside time each day to discuss the events of the day and address any questions or concerns your children may have.
• Use age-appropriate sex education: Teaching your kids about their bodies and sexuality in a developmentally-appropriate way is an essential abuse prevention strategy.
• Monitor your children's online activities: The internet enables certain sexually abusive behaviors, such as sharing suggestive images, sharing pornography, or filming and sharing abusive acts. Being aware of what your child is doing online can be an important tool for prevention.
• Be supportive: If your child says that someone has abused them or behaved inappropriately, it is absolutely imperative that you believe them, take steps to address the abuse, and get help for your child.
  

Impacts of Sibling Sexual Abuse

Just like other forms of childhood trauma, sexual abuse by a sibling can have long-lasting effects. Survivors of sexual abuse may feel like they were to blame, sometimes even convincing themselves they were a co-conspirator rather than a victim. There’s also a deep sense of shame that can occur when the perpetrator was a family member.

Some survivors experience sexual dysfunction, mental health problems, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of the abuse. Due to the nature of sibling abuse, the sense of powerlessness can be more pervasive compared to sexual abuse perpetrated by others. Adult survivors sometimes experience ongoing relationship problems as a result.

Implications for the Abuser

One reason that sibling sexual abuse is underreported is that doing so has the potential to disrupt the family dynamic. Reporting the abuse may lead to the temporary removal of the child perpetrator from the home, also sometimes resulting in contact with police and entry into the criminal justice system. 

Although it can be difficult, it is important for parents and caregivers to take the appropriate steps to ensure that all of the children involved in sibling sexual abuse get the treatment and support that they need.

If Sibling Sexual Abuse is Suspected

If you suspect that sibling sexual abuse has occurred, or if your child has told you it has happened, take these steps to ensure that your children get the help they need.

• Report the abuse to family services. Depending on the age of the perpetrator, the police and court system may also become involved.
• Discuss the issue with each child. Depending on the situation, this might involve discussing the behavior, agreeing to respect boundaries, and reporting problems in the future. This should be followed with continued supervision and monitoring of behavior.
• Make sure the perpetrator does not have access to their sibling. In some situations, it will be necessary to make sure the offending child no longer has access to their sibling. Ensure that kids are not left unsupervised.

Although it can be difficult for parents to wrap their heads around one of their children potentially abusing the other, this situation is not something that should ever be ignored. Sexual abuse is a crime. Both the victim and the perpetrator need your attention.

Perpetrators need to be held accountable for their actions, and they also need treatment to ensure that they do not harm any other children. Other children in the home or family who were not involved may also need treatment.

Victims need to be believed, supported, and protected. Reporting the abuse is the first step in doing that, but they will need ongoing treatment and love to heal from the effects of being abused by someone who was supposed to love them.

Considerations and Handling the Situation

While sexual curiosity in children is normal and all kids engage in the exploration of their anatomy, there is a difference between normal exploration and sexual contact which is abusive, coercive, and exploitative.

Talking to your children about what is appropriate, helping them understand and enforce boundaries, and keeping an open line of communication so your child feels comfortable talking to you are important steps for preventing sexual abuse.

And if children tell you about concerning behaviors or report being abused by a sibling, believe them. Then take the appropriate steps to stop the abuse, report what has happened, and get counseling for everyone involved. Children can heal with appropriate treatment, support, love, and understanding.

It is normal to feel fear and confusion if you suspect sibling sexual abuse. No one wants to believe their child would commit an act of sexual violence on another child, let alone their sibling. It can also lead to feelings of guilt that this violation occurred under your care or supervision without you realizing it.

It is important to push through these uncomfortable feelings, take the necessary steps to ensure abusive sexual behavior does not happen again, and seek support for the entire family.