Addiction Alcohol Addiction Signs You're Dating an Alcoholic Early Indicators of Alcohol Use Disorder By Buddy T Buddy T Buddy T is a writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience writing about alcoholism. Because he is a member of a support group that stresses the importance of anonymity at the public level, he does not use his photograph or his real name on this website. Learn about our editorial process Updated on August 04, 2024 Learn more." tabindex="0" data-inline-tooltip="true"> Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Amy Morin, LCSW Medically reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Disclaimer We at Verywell Mind believe people are not defined by their challenges, and all deserve to be addressed respectfully. In keeping with the language of "The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR)," and in Verywell Mind's people-first approach, we have replaced the term "alcoholic" with "person who has alcohol use disorder" or similar language wherever possible. The DSM-5-TR defines alcohol use disorder (AUD) as “a problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress." A diagnosis requires that the person meet at least 2 of the 11 diagnostic criteria within a 12-month period. Spotting AUD in its early stages can be tricky. If you're asking, "Is my boyfriend/girlfriend an alcoholic?" you've probably noticed one or more worrisome behaviors or intuitively picked up on a subtle clue. This article reviews 10 signs of alcohol use disorder to watch for in someone you're dating. Early Signs of AUD AUD is a progressive disease that develops over time. Contrary to stereotypes, the signs can be subtle. When someone at risk for developing AUD continues to drink, the signs become more apparent and numerous until the problem finally becomes obvious. Here's what to look for if you're questioning whether your significant other is developing alcohol use disorder. 1 Their Social Life Revolves Around Alcohol mediaphotos / iStock Attending events held only where alcohol is available or spending time only with others who drink alcohol could be an early sign of alcohol use disorder. For example, someone who is developing a problem with alcohol would forgo a Little League game in favor of a college game and tailgate parties. They might see an occasional movie with you, but they'd suggest going to a bar afterward. 2 They Drink to Relieve Stress A person with alcohol use disorder relies on alcohol to cope with everyday life. Alcohol becomes the chief tool with which they deal with emotions and becomes a disproportionally important part of their life. 3 They Don't Seem Intoxicated Because they've developed a tolerance for alcohol, the person might not seem intoxicated until they've consumed many drinks. They need increasingly more alcohol to make them feel the way one or two drinks used to. 4 Their Personality Changes Although they might not appear intoxicated after a few drinks, their mood might change. A quiet, reserved person, for example, might become confrontational or verbally abusive. Someone who usually doesn't express their feelings might become overly emotional after drinking. 5 They Get Irritable When Not Drinking A person with AUD may start to become irritable as they reach their threshold of tolerable sobriety. They believe they need a drink to unwind, relax, and improve their mood. Although their mood may improve temporarily, it can shift again as the drinking continues. This instability affects personal relationships negatively. 6 They Drink Even When They Don't Plan To They might not plan to drink but can't resist when around others who are drinking. They might tell you they're going to drink one or two but usually end up having more. 7 They Don't Stick to One Brand Most social drinkers stick to a few favorite kinds of alcohol. A person who is developing alcohol use disorder will drink whatever they can obtain. The types and brands may change, but the drinking will not stop. 8 Drinking Has Caused Problems They might miss time at work, have trouble with the law, lose relationships with family and friends, lose their driving license, or face other challenges because of their behavior. Frequently, a person with AUD will swear off alcohol given negative repercussions but ultimately will be unable to stop. 9 They're Resourceful Alcohol shuffles the person's priorities. For example, they might not have enough money for a dinner date but somehow manage to buy alcohol. They might put off a necessary purchase or neglect financial obligations in favor of buying alcohol, causing a cascade of problematic consequences. 10 They Have a Family History of AUD A family history of alcohol use disorder puts a person at greater risk for the disease than the general population. As you become acquainted with their family, you might notice signs of AUD among them. Final Thoughts If your boyfriend or girlfriend exhibits a few of these signs, they might be at risk for AUD. Learn all you can about AUD, how to help someone with the disease—and what not to do. Remember that AUD is a disease, not a moral failing. Although you cannot directly change another person's behavior, you can control your own attitude and actions. For example, caring but firm boundaries can be difficult but can help you maintain your own mental health. Being aware of self-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) might help you steer your person to appropriate resources when they're ready to accept them. Such groups sometimes offer support groups for friends and family, as well, such as Al-Anon. There, you'll find others who are going through similar experiences. If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. How To Help Someone With A Drinking Problem 7 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR); 2022. doi:10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787 National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Understanding alcohol use disorder. Hammer RR, Dingel MJ, Ostergren JE, Nowakowski KE, Koenig BA. The experience of addiction as told by the addicted: Incorporating biological understandings into self-story. Cult Med Psychiatry. 2012;36(4):712–734. doi:10.1007/s11013-012-9283-x National Center for Biotechnology Information. Information about alcohol. In: NIH Curriculum Supplement Series [Internet]. National Institutes of Health; 2007. Lasebikan VO, Ayinde O, Odunleye M. Assessment of the alcohol consumption among outdoor bar drinkers in Nigeria by qualitative methods. BMC Public Health. 2018;18(1):318. doi:10.1186/s12889-018-5250-y Steele CM, Southwick L. Alcohol and social behavior I: The psychology of drunken excess. J Pers Soc Psychol. 1985;48(1):18-34. doi 10.1037/0022-3514.48.1.18 Chartier KG, Thomas NS, Kendler KS. Interrelationship between family history of alcoholism and generational status in the prediction of alcohol dependence in US Hispanics. Psychol Med. 2017;47(1):137–147. doi:10.1017/S0033291716002105 Additional Reading Institute of Medicine Committee on Treatment of Alcohol Problems. International review of treatment and rehabilitation services for alcoholism and alcohol abuse. In: Broadening the Base of Treatment for Alcohol Problems Report of a Study. National Academy Press; 1990. By Buddy T Buddy T is a writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience writing about alcoholism. Because he is a member of a support group that stresses the importance of anonymity at the public level, he does not use his photograph or his real name on this website. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Helpful Report an Error Other Submit