Dating Someone With OCD: What You Should Know

Although any intimate relationship has its ups and downs, dating someone affected by a chronic mental illness such as OCD can present additional challenges—and growth opportunities.

It is important to remember that an illness is what a person has, not who they are. Try these strategies for creating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

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What to Expect When Dating Someone With OCD

Knowing what to expect if you are dating someone with OCD or if you think your partner might have the condition is essential. By understanding the symptoms, causes, and treatments of the condition, you'll be better able to help your partner and maintain a successful relationship.

Obsessions and Compulsions

Obsessions and compulsions are the primary symptoms of OCD. People with the condition often engage in compulsions to deal with the distress created by obsessions.

• Obsessions. Obsessions are unwanted, persistent thoughts, images, or urges that create feelings of distress and anxiety. 
• Compulsions. Compulsions are repetitive behaviors that people feel compelled to engage in to minimize anxiety or prevent adverse events from occurring.

There are many variations of OCD, and it does not always involve a fear of contamination or orderliness, as is commonly believed. In some cases, your partner may worry excessively that something is missing or incomplete. Others may have unwanted, blasphemous, sinful, or sexual thoughts. Some experience an extreme fear that someone will be hurt if they don't perform a certain behavior.

Stress and Anxiety

In addition to dealing with stress caused by the symptoms of their condition, people with OCD may also experience added stress from worrying about how their condition might affect their relationships. If they have had past partners who were not understanding or rejecting, they may fear you will respond similarly.

Anxiety can often be a symptom of OCD, creating additional challenges in your relationship. You can help by becoming aware of the situations that trigger your partner's symptoms of anxiety and OCD and then helping them find ways to cope or manage those situations.

Sexual Functioning

OCD can also affect sexual functioning in several different ways.

• For individuals with obsessions centered on contamination or hygiene, having sexual relationships can be complicated.
• Some medications used to treat OCD can have sexual side effects, including symptoms that affect libido or performance. 

How to Keep Your Relationships Healthy

If you are dating someone with OCD, one of the best things you can do is learn more about the condition. Being more aware of what your partner may be experiencing can help you better recognize the signs of problems and allow you to offer support when you see they are struggling.

Remember that the condition affects each person differently. Not everyone will have the same symptoms or experience them the same way. 

Build Trust

It is not uncommon for people with OCD to hide the nature or severity of their symptoms from others—especially those they may be engaged with romantically—for fear of embarrassment and rejection. If you are committed to working on the relationship, make it clear to your partner that OCD is something you are willing to talk about and want to understand more about.

When your partner chooses to disclose particular obsessions or compulsions they are troubled with, make sure you acknowledge how hard it must have been to tell you about them. Empathy and acceptance can go a long way toward building trust and intimacy.

Respect Your Partner’s Privacy

While your partner might be comfortable disclosing the nature and severity of their symptoms to you, they may not be as comfortable discussing these issues with family, friends, or co-workers. Never assume that other people in your partner's life know they have OCD.

A seemingly harmless comment to one of your partner's friends or family members could be very hurtful or embarrassing. It could undermine trust in the relationship or have other unintended consequences.

Be Honest

While symptoms of chronic illness can often be managed quite effectively, they may never be cured. If you have concerns or are feeling overwhelmed by your partner's symptoms, discuss this with your partner openly and honestly. This is especially important if you suspect or know that your partner's obsessions and/or compulsions relate to you and/or matters of sexual intimacy.

A little communication can go a long way in avoiding misunderstandings that could ultimately lead to conflict or even break up the relationship. If you do not feel you can discuss such issues with your partner, bounce your thoughts off a trusted friend to try to get a different perspective. Remember, any relationship—not just with someone with OCD—is about balancing your personal needs with the relationship's needs.

Ways You Can Support Your Partner

While having OCD can sometimes introduce challenges in a relationship, there are things you can do to help support your partner. People with OCD are sometimes reluctant to talk about their condition for fear of judgment or rejection, so it’s essential to be understanding and supportive. Listen to what they say and try to be as patient as possible.

Educate Yourself

Being in an intimate or even just a dating relationship with someone with any chronic illness, including OCD, means you must be up to speed on symptoms and treatments. On the surface, many of the obsessions and compulsions accompanying OCD can seem strange, illogical, or even scary.

Understanding what the symptoms of OCD are and where they come from can go a long way in helping you cope with them and bring down the overall stress level in your relationship. It is also important to realize that many people with OCD experience other comorbidities, such as anxiety disorders or depression, that can complicate the symptoms they experience.

Support Their Treatment

Partners can often be very helpful in pinpointing the true nature and severity of symptoms. They can also help reinforce compliance with medical and psychological treatment regimens.

If you and your partner are up for it, there are numerous opportunities to help with exposure exercises or stay on top of medication regimens. Becoming partners in treatment can help build a stronger bond.

Caring for Your Own Needs

It is also important to care for yourself. Chronic health conditions like OCD can take a toll on individuals and their partners, so it is vital to ensure that you care for your own needs. Schedule time for yourself, do things you enjoy, and reach out to your friends and family for support.

Practice Self-Care

Carve out time to attend to your needs. This can be difficult when taking care of someone else, but it is important to ensure that you care for yourself physically and emotionally. Consider scheduling regular appointments for yourself, such as a massage or a pedicure.

It can be easy to become isolated when you are in a relationship with someone with OCD. Schedule time for your friends and family, even if it is a quick coffee date or a regular girls’ or guys’ night out.

You might also want to consider joining a support group. It can be helpful to talk to others who are in similar situations. There are many online and in-person support groups available.

Establish Boundaries

While you are offering support, you must establish boundaries in your relationship. Boundaries are a way of identifying what you are willing to accept in your relationship with another person.

A boundary with a partner with OCD might involve telling them that you will not participate in their compulsions. For example, you would not wash your hands every time they wash their hands. Establishing boundaries early on can help prevent conflict later on.

Final Thoughts

Managing OCD isn't always easy, but supporting your partner can help them get the treatment they need and find effective ways to cope with their symptoms. There will be ups and downs along the way, which is why patience is important. With empathy, acceptance, and understanding, you can ensure that you and your partner have a healthy and successful relationship.