Living With Social Anxiety Disorder

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) can lead to intense feelings of anxiety and distress in social settings. Although this disorder is treatable, usually with medication and psychotherapy, it is estimated that only 35% of people with social anxiety ever receive treatment.

While not a substitute for professional treatment, for those who may otherwise receive no help, self-help is a good starting point. The self-help strategies for social anxiety disorder outlined below can be used at home to help overcome its symptoms.

Improving Social Skills to Reduce Anxiety

A good first step to coping with social anxiety disorder is to identify social skills that could use a bit of work. Improving these skills may help individuals better cope with the thoughts and emotions that come with social anxiety.

Assertiveness Skills

Many people with social anxiety disorder lack assertiveness. Thus, they can benefit from learning to become more assertive.

One way to do this is by communicating their needs in a calm and relaxed way that also respects the needs of others. Usually, this takes the form of "I" statements, such as "I feel hurt when you don't respond to my phone calls."

Nonverbal Communication Skills

Improving nonverbal communication skills is another area in which a person can employ self-help strategies if they live with social anxiety. This can help them feel more confident in social interactions.

For example, most people with social anxiety tend to adopt a "closed-off" stance. They may even have this stance without realizing it. Learning how to have a relaxed posture (e.g. hands at the sides, good eye contact) encourages others to respond positively, also making a person appear more approachable.

Verbal Communication Skills

In addition to adopting a relaxed body posture, learning how to communicate verbally is also important. Knowing how to start conversations, keep them going, and listen attentively are helpful social anxiety coping skills.

As an example, one quick tip for joining a group of people in conversation is to listen first and then make a comment about what they are already talking about. For example, "Are you talking about the election results? I couldn't believe them either." Look for as many opportunities as possible to develop stronger verbal abilities.

How to Cope With Social Anxiety Emotions

Fear and anxiety are two of the most common emotions with social anxiety disorder. A few simple strategies can help ease them both.

Talk With Others

Talking about social anxiety with a trusted family member or friend gives the other person the opportunity to provide some much-needed support. To share these feelings with someone specific, send them a text or online message with a request to meet, then arrange a time at a quiet place to talk.

If it feels nerve-wracking to open up, it can help to write down some of the main points to discuss. Sharing the impact of social anxiety symptoms with others can help them gain a better idea of this condition's effects.

Practice Deep Breathing

Having social anxiety generally involves strong emotional reactions in social situations. One way to reduce these anxious reactions is to put the body in a relaxed state. When the body is relaxed, breathing is slow and natural, and the mind is free of negative thoughts, making it easier to enjoy being with others.

It can be easy to breathe too quickly in anxiety-provoking situations, which in turn makes other anxiety symptoms worse. Below are some steps to manage anxious and shallow breathing through a deep breathing exercise.

When in social situations, breathe as practiced. In time, this way of breathing may become more automatic.

Reduce Negative Thoughts

When living with social anxiety, it's possible to misinterpret comments or facial expressions made by others. This can contribute to the emotional reactions experienced. Two thought patterns that often contribute to anxiety are:

• Mindreading: Assuming that we know what other people are thinking about us (e.g. "Everyone can see how anxious I am")
• Personalizing: Assuming that the behaviors of others are related to us (e.g. "He looks bored; I shouldn’t have invited him to this movie")

These thoughts can be so automatic that we don’t even realize we are thinking them. Below are some steps to better manage negative thought patterns with social anxiety.

Face the Fear

Avoiding feared situations may reduce emotional reactions in the short term, but in the long term, it severely limits one's life. In addition, the number of situations feared grows as the fear becomes more general. On the other hand, gradual exposure to social situations coupled with relaxation techniques helps to reduce the anxiety and emotional reactions associated with those situations.

There are ways to overcome avoidance. To start, identify the top 10 situations avoided. For each situation on the list, break it down into a series of steps, increasing in difficulty. For example, for a person who is afraid of being the center of attention, their steps might look like this:

• Tell a funny story about myself to a group of people that me know well.
• Tell a funny story about myself to a group of people that I don’t know well.
• Voice my true opinion to a group of friends.
• Voice my true opinion to a group of strangers.
• Make a toast at dinner with people whom I know well.
• Make a toast at dinner with people whom I don't know well.

Practice each step as much as needed before moving on to the next. If anxiety surfaces, challenge the negative thoughts and use the slow breathing technique to relax.

Day-to-Day Social Anxiety Coping Strategies

Below are some social anxiety coping skills that can be used on a day-to-day basis, such as while at work or attending school.

• Talk with a supervisor or teacher so they can make certain accommodations or provide additional support. Make a list of questions to ask and start with the least anxiety-provoking ones.
• Arrive to meetings early to meet people one by one as they arrive.
• Keep up on current events, making it easier to participate in small talk.
• Avoid using alcohol to overcome inhibitions.
• Do things that ignite so much passion that, despite the anxiety they create, they still seem worth it.
• Make new friends by greeting people, giving compliments, and starting brief conversations.
• Get regular exercise, eat healthy food, and avoid caffeine and sugar to naturally reduce anxiety.

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Mistakes to Avoid With Social Anxiety Disorder

There are a number of common mistakes that people make when trying to overcome social anxiety through self-help strategies. Avoiding these mistakes can keep from making things worse.

• Don't try to eliminate the anxiety completely. If anxiety is seen as something awful that needs to be eliminated, more focus is placed on it, making it harder to reduce.
• Don't focus on being perfect. Instead, focus on accepting worst-case scenarios and then work backward from there.
• Don't accept social anxiety as a personality trait. Social anxiety disorder is a mental health issue and not a personality trait such as being shy or introverted. It is possible to overcome social anxiety and live a fulfilling life.
  

When to Seek Professional Help for Social Anxiety

Over time, practicing relaxation, challenging negative thoughts, and facing feared situations can help make it easier to manage anxiety in stressful situations. However, people facing severe anxiety on a daily basis should consult their medical care provider or a mental health professional as treatment may be advised.

Don't wait too long to seek help from a professional. While it can be tempting to think that we can solve this all on our own, people often need therapy or medication to successfully manage social anxiety.