Can a Relationship Between Two Introverts Work?

There's an old saying that opposites attract, but does anyone really want to partner with someone who has opposing values, or lifestyle habits? The cozier we can get with a new person, the better our chances of long-term survival as a couple. That said, sometimes too much of a good thing can become a total stomachache.

Such can be the case with a two introvert relationship. On the one hand, you'll understand each other's preferences and aversions. On the other, who will motivate the other person to go do fun stuff? Is a relationship between introverts a good idea because you understand each other so well, or are you destined to fall so deeply into the couch together you can't get back up? Let's get into it!

What an Introvert-Introvert Relationship Looks Like

It's estimated that anywhere from 25-40% of people are introverts, putting us in the minority, and science has explained that while extroverts gain energy from engaging with others, introverts get drained by it. If you're an introvert who hasn't partnered with a fellow quiet soul, you may have glamorized the idea of being with someone more like yourself.

There are plusses and minuses to this pairing, which we'll get into next, but first: What does your day to day likely look like together? "There's often a deep understanding and mutual respect for each other's need for solitude and quiet time in relationships that are made up of two introverts," explains Becca Reed, LCSW, PMH-C.

When with another introvert, you can expect to spend less time explaining why you don't want to go out to a particular event or even why you don't want to socialize with friends sometimes. "These relationships tend to be less about constant socializing and more about enjoying low-key, intimate activities together, such as reading, watching movies, or having quiet dinners," says Reed.

Why It's Great Being With Another Introvert

Being with someone like yourself can feel like stepping into a warm bath, especially if you haven't experienced it before. As a deeply introverted person, a relationship with an extrovert would certainly affect my well-being; I don't even have any extrovert friends! So I am biased, but I think any introvert would agree that being with a fellow hush-hush type has a lot of perks.

The fact that you don't have to expend energy explaining yourself is a huge one. "Both partners are likely to understand each other's need for alone time, which can reduce potential conflicts," says Reed. This means that you can schedule time with your partner and time away from them without issue. While an extrovert may want to spend all their free time with you, a fellow introvert will agree that alone time is necessary for your mutual happiness.

Introverts often dislike small talk, meaning a relationship between two can grow to some amazing depths. "Introverts often seek meaningful, deep connections rather than superficial interactions, which can lead to a strong emotional bond with one another," says Reed. This isn't always the case for everyone, but if you crave deep talks over shallow ones, a fellow introvert is a great idea for a match.

Lastly, introverts tend to be less fast-paced in life, so together you're more likely to be on the same wavelength about how often you migrate out into the world. "There's often a shared preference for a slower, more relaxed pace of life, which can make for a harmonious relationship," Reed explains.

Why It Doesn't Always Work

Like anything in life, a two introvert relationship isn't always sunshine and roses.

Not socializing enough can be a big issue. "Both partners might struggle with initiating social activities, leading to potential isolation from others," says Reed. And we do need some amount of socializing to be happy people, according to science.

Studies have shown that overall, extroverts are happier people, but that doesn't mean you can't be fully happy with the opposite personality. It just means you should keep in mind that it's emotionally healthy to hang out with friends on occasion.

Even without socializing, it's important for your senses and well-being to get out a bit. If you work from home and hang out with your partner there too, things can get stale: "A lack of variety and new experiences might make the relationship feel stagnant over time. This can affect the couple's sense of excitement and growth within the relationship," Reed says.

One advantage of extroverts is that by wanting to talk a lot, they may be more likely to communicate problems as they arise. Not so much for introverts, and that can cause problems. "Introverts often process their thoughts internally and may feel uncomfortable expressing their feelings openly, especially if it involves conflict. This can lead to a reluctance to bring up issues or discuss problems as they arise," says Reed.

How to Get Out of Your Comfort Zones

The key to making a relationship between two introverts work is by not fully giving in to your comfort zones, at least not all the time. "Stepping out of one's comfort zone is crucial because it brings growth, new experiences, and opportunities to strengthen the relationship," says Reed. How to do that?

Addressing the potential challenges before or as they arrive, rather than letting them happen and build up, will serve your coupledom best. Reed suggests you "making an effort to socialize more, try new activities, or simply engage in honest conversations about their needs and feelings."

If that all sounds challenging, rather than taking it all on at once try thinking of each facet of your relationship separately. Breaking things down can keep them from becoming overwhelming. For example, talk with your partner about what friends you might like to see this month, and get a date or two on the calendar.

Discuss what each of you has been wanting to try, and look into finding it in your area. And set an ongoing date, such as every Sunday or the last Friday of the month, to check in with each other about your feelings. "This balance can enrich the relationship and prevent it from becoming too insular," says Reed. It takes some work, but you'll be helping your relationship to thrive, so it's very worth it.

The Verdict: Can It Work?

In short, yes! A pair of introverts can be two content peas in a pod together. They're bound to feel comfort with one another, possibly engage more deeply, and spend less time explaining themselves. It will take effort, though: Introverts together can become complacent and might avoid conflict or discussions about emotions.

In order for this pairing to work, you're going to have to put in some effort. That's true with any relationship, but when it comes to two introverts, you might be able to figure out ahead of time what the problems will be and get ahead of them. Two introverts can have a wonderful time together, and can find an ideal partner in one another, provided they put in the effort to work together.